Misleading Nutritional Labels

Eating healthy has become a trend due to the growing obesity problem in developed countries. As a result, food companies have created “healthy” labels to guide customers towards their products. Most of these so-called labels are bullshit though. They’re a monetary ploy to trick customers into spending money.

Let’s examine some common labels out there and their deceptive meanings:

Organic – Sometimes is organic, but not always. Corporations have jumped on the “organic” bandwagon in order to cash in on the health trend. Finding a true organic product will require some research on your part. Or you can start a garden yourself.

Natural Flavors – Beware of this so-called “ingredient.” This is a bullshit word companies use to trick the consumer into thinking that there’s something healthy inside the product. The term “natural flavors” can mean anything that comes from nature. So if I picked up a stick in the woods, skewered a piece of bear shit, and dropped it into a can, I can say this particular ingredient is “natural flavors.”

Reduced Fat / Fat Free – Tends to have a lot of sugar or sodium as a substitute. If you buy 5 lbs. bag of sugar, then it’s guaranteed to be 100% fat free.

Sugar Free – Similar to the “fat free” label, companies substitute sugar with some other harmful chemical, such as hydrogenated oils. Sometimes, you’re better off eating actual sugar. There are some studies claim that sugar-substitutes can cause cancer. Then again, being alive can cause cancer. Ever notice that only living people get cancer?

Cage-free Chickens – They’re cage-free all right, but possibly live crammed together with a thousand other chickens in a coupe. I own chickens myself. So if I shoved two-hundred of them inside my toolshed, then they’d be cage-free chickens too!

Green Labels – A lot of frozen dinners come with green labels that allude to being “healthy” with low calories. This shit might have fewer calories, but the content of sodium, preservatives, and MSG is still prevalent. Also, the green labels attached to food and eco-friendly products is another advertising fad aimed at making money. Be sure to check the ingredients.

X grams of Protein – 25 grams of protein per serving can also come with 30 grams of sugar and lard. Protein bars tend to be the culprit here, but there are a few other products that tote the protein label because everyone assumes that protein is good. Many protein bars tend to have large amounts of sugar alcohol as a sweetener, so they’re not really that nutritious. Since these “high-protein” products often use peanuts as the protein source, just buy peanuts or almonds instead.

0 grams of Trans Fat – This food can have a high concentration of saturated fat instead, which is the type of fat that your body has a hard time breaking down.

All Natural – Very vague and deceptive. Once again, I can put rocks, sticks, and turds into the mix and call it “all natural.”  

Low Carb – Ever since the Atkins Diet fad, a lot of people associate carbohydrates as something worse than saturated fat. Your body needs carbs to function. Your muscles and brain needs carbs to function properly. There are different types of carbohydrates, such as fibrous carbs and starchy carbs. Complex carbohydrates, especially from potatoes, give a boost to your workout.

Electrolytes – Many drinks claim to “replenish your body’s electrolytes.” What they mean to say is that there is shit like potassium bicarbonate and calcium chloride in the drink, often combined with sugar to make it taste better. Just drink fuckin water. If you have a phobia of fluoride and other chemicals in water, then buy distilled water. 

#nutrition

Bachelorette Party In Perdido Key

Saturday - March 8, 2014

12 Girls

Costume:  GQ

A group of ladies from New Orleans came to party in Perdido Key and hired a male stripper for the first time. They had me on speaker phone when I spoke to them, and they sounded very nervous. I walked them through my routine. There was no special request for a costume, so I just wore my pleather pants, my black boots, and a dress shirt for my costume.

The performance went very well. All of the women were very beautiful and extremely friendly. When I straddled the bachelorette and cued her friends to cheer for me, they gave a deafening roar, which caused the bachelorette's face to flush a bright red. I took body shots from several girls, and several girls took body shots off of me. Everyone giggled in the background at the expense of whomever was the focus of my attention.

What I found touching was one girl going into her room so she could get more cash to tip me. Usually, a lot of private bachelorette parties have a predetermined tip amount to give the male stripper. Women seldom dig in their purses for extra money to give the stripper during these private shows. That's what guys do for female strippers. She gave me an extra $40, totaling out to over $120 in tips alone. Her gesture both surprised and touched me.

After my performance, I stayed and talked with everyone. They were curious about my profession. Not only did I pop their male stripper cherry, but they never had even met a male stripper before.

I left in an extremely good mood. If only all parties could go this well.

Clothespins

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Yesterday marked my first show of 2014, meaning that winter is over, at least where I'm at in the Deep South.

I had last minute birthday party of five girls, all military. I must say that I love military girls. Every single time I have a party of them, they participate with unabashed enthusiasm, treat me with adoration, and tip me generously. This time was no exception.

They were first timers, according to the customer, Stephanie. So I guided her through a sample routine of things to do with a male stripper. One of things I mentioned was to "pin" dollar bills on the birthday girl. I also suggested doing body shots and using strawberries as a prop too. Stephanie wanted me to show up as a cop and "scare" the birthday girl, Kate.

Everything went as planned. I showed up as a cop and entered a living room with every girl except Kate, who was hiding in the bedroom. She was terrified that she was in trouble. When I started berating everyone for being loud, she meekly apologized. She was still unaware that I was a stripper even when all of her friends laughed. She wore a round button pin on her dress that read "Birthday Girl." It rested just above her breast. I grabbed the pin, touching her breast, under the pretense of reading it. Kate did not object.

When I grabbed her shoulders and began dancing with her, she seemed astonished, and wondered aloud why a cop was dancing with her. Then realization hit her. She let out a brief shriek and said, "OH MY GOD! A STRIPPER!"

Her friends loved it. They cheered as I danced and stripped for Kate. She relaxed and embraced me, and fondled my muscles.

The other girls brought out wads of dollar bills... And clothespins.

Kate was confused. So was I. What were the clothespins for?

Stephanie said, "I got the clothespins you wanted." She picked up a clothespin and used it to pin a dollar to Kate's dress. The rest of her friends mimicked her. Soon, Kate had a lot of dollars tacked onto her, resembling ornaments on a Christmas tree.

I stifled a laughter and carried on with my routine. I gave Kate my male stripper version of a lapdance, which was placing her in the missionary position and humping her. While I did this, her dress slid up to her waste, exposing her mesh, yellow underwear. I put a strawberry in her mouth, and took it out, a brief kiss ensuing.

The rest of the crowd was very receptive and expressed great joy with my act. The girls continued to use clothespins, tacking dollar bills whoever's turn it was to interact with me.

I stopped the show for a bit, smiled, and kindly explained to Stephanie that I was metaphorically speaking when I suggested that she "pin" the dollar bills to someone. I never expected her to take it in the literal sense. Once I finished my explanation, everyone broke out into a loud fit of laughter.

"I guess y'all have a code word for a male stripper now," I said. "It's clothespins."

They loved that.

"I guess we'll have to get some clothespins for the next birthday party and keep it secret," Stephanie said. "Here Dion. Take one home as a souvenir to remember us by."

My customers had given me a lot of gifts over the years, such as penis straws, condoms, and flower leis. I smiled and accepted the clothespin, tucking it safely away into my police shirt pocket. A unique memento to remember them by.

Lesbian Party Tonight

My agent booked me to strip for a lesbian bachelorette party tonight for 10 girls. Supposedly, they hired me and requested a female stripper as well. This deviates from the norm, and it will be a first for me. The location is in southern Alabama.

However, when I called the customer yesterday, no one answered. I left a voicemail. Still no response. My agent will call them today and try to confirm. He booked this party a month ago. A lot of plans can change in a month. 

We'll see what happens tonight.


**Edit**

Looks like this party never called back. Here's the exchange I had with my agent:

Agent: Ok. If they don't call back then don't go. She is being an asshole at this moment...

Me: I agree. Did she make a credit card deposit?

Agent: No she did not. She seemed serious to me. Cunts.

Male Strippers & Muscularity

Hi,

I just stumbled onto your blog, and while male stripping isn't a subject in which I have a keen interest, a question does come to mind.  It is whether all (or most all) male strippers are the muscle-bound guys I always see, and if so why?

I'm pretty familiar with what guys look for in women, and it's amazingly diverse.  Some like 'em fat, others thin, and so on.  Three guys entering the same brothel will invariably happily choose three different providers simply because their tastes are different.  True, female strippers normally conform to conventional average standards of sex appeal, but even female strippers vary a lot.  I remember one super fat one (who went by Eartha Quake) who was quite popular.  More to the point, while most female strippers are in some kind of shape (dancing is good exercise) few give the kind of evidence of serious gym sessions that male strippers do.

I'm also reasonably familiar with women's tastes (although of course no male can ever fully understand these) and they are diverse too.  Specifically, some women aren't attracted to the muscle-bound stripper physique but rather prefer the skinny rock star look or on occasion even the fat, bald accountant look.

Thus I wonder if my impression of male strippers all having to conform to the same standards of muscle-bound attractiveness is true, and if so why.

If true, my total guess is that the explanation lies in the much smaller market for male than female strippers.  That is, standards of attractiveness may be more lax for females simply because there is a greater demand for them and the market must compromise, whereas the lower demand for male strippers may raise the standards for the men in the occupation.

However, I also wonder if maybe prejudice is operating--even male prejudice.  That is, I suspect that men more than women affirm the muscle-bound physique, so maybe men are setting the standards for male strippers?  If so, this would help explain why most of your offers for side work come from gay men rather than women.


Thanks,

Ken  

------------------------------------------
My response:


Male strippers tend to be muscular because the degree of muscularity has a strong association with testosterone, the male hormone. Therefore, society associates big muscles with masculinity. Some examples of this include super heroes from Marvel and DC comics; all the male heroes have a bodybuilder's physique. Athletes exemplify masculinity, and society glorifies them. The same trait applies to male strippers. When customers want to hire a man to take his clothes off, they want someone who represents the epitome of masculinity with muscularity added in the package.

It's true that what men look for in women is quite diverse, but the same applies to the other side of the coin. Most men look for feminine traits in female strippers, such as breasts and hips, rather than muscularity and independence. Having sexy breasts or curvy hips don't require extensive training sessions at the gym at all. In fact, most female strippers can get away by showing off their femininity while being overweight, thin, etc.

You make a good point about the high standards for male strippers. There is a much lower demand for male strippers, although the popularity of male strippers has been on a steady rise during the last two decades. The low demand results in fierce competition where the better male gets more work based on his looks. In this case, muscularity makes up a large portion of how the man looks besides his face, so it's very important to have a decent body.

Men often place more emphasis on having a muscular physique, but that does not affirm the standards of male strippers. The women, or customers rather, choose the standards, and they often choose the guy with a muscular physique. If the customer preferred someone skinnier or fatter, then the skinnier or fatter guy would get the job... But that rarely occurs, otherwise just about every skinny or overweight guy would be spilling into the industry. Keep in mind that the customers are women in my case, and I'm not covering what the gay male audience wants.

Some women may say that they do not prefer muscles, but they often hire a muscular man as their stripper. Whenever I go to parties, I see posters of muscular men tacked up on the walls. Companies market muscular men to women all the time. Next time you're at the book store, pick up a romance novel and look at the cover. You often seen a feminine woman cradled against a muscular man. Target audience? Female readers. So females affirm the standards of muscularity in a more subtle way.

Another point you brought up is the "side work," often referred to as "gay-4-pay" in the industry. Exactly as you imply, the side work often comes from male customers, or gay male customers. It's a simple concept really. Gay men act like straight men: they hire out of sexual desire, hence the side work. You very rarely ever hear of women buying prostitutes to satisfy their sexual urges. If a woman wants sex from me, she usually expects to get it for free. Another example, if you want to see a female stripper take off more clothes, then you pay her more money. Most of my female customers would find it absurd to pay more money for me to take my thong off, and even more-so to charge for side work. Why? Because they're often the gatekeepers to sex. It is difficult to reverse that concept overnight. That's why male strippers and female strippers are quite different.