Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Georgia Peach

Last weekend on my way to a birthday party, I got behind an S.U.V. that had "Florida Bound" written across the back window, and the license plate depicting the state of Georgia. We were both heading towards Panama City on a four-lane highway.

As I passed the S.U.V., the driver honked the horn many times. I looked over and saw several girls waving at me as they sped up and passed me. Then they slowed down. I decided to play along with them, so I passed them, honked the horn of my truck, and flexed my bicep as I passed them again. They cheered.

A few minutes later, they honked the horn at me and passed me again. This time when I looked over, the driver had pulled her bikini top down and was shaking her bare breasts at me. I gave her a thumbs up, considering that a more-than-fair trade.

At the next stop light, the S.U.V. pulled up next to me in the left lane. The passenger handed me a sticky note. I opened it up and it had the driver's phone number along with her first and last name for Facebook.

That was the most interesting way I had ever gotten a number off a girl.






Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Single for a Reason

Life has been busy lately, especially with stripping. It's the busy season for my area, which is April through May.

I'll share something that happened in April.

I performed at a bachelorette party full of ladies that worked in a cosmetic surgery center together. That meant every lady their had an incredible boob job, and diving in between those perky fun breasts for cash has never been funner, although I met more push resistance from the silicone than usual.

The show went well, as the ladies seemed satisfied with my act, and they tipped me handsomely for it. Afterwards, two of the single girls from the crowd invited me out with them to the clubs. I graciously accepted since the club was within walking distance of the resort hotel where they were staying.

It turned out to be a short outing for me. 

One of the single girls (we'll call her Amanda)--a short blonde with breast implants that resembled two balloons ready to burst out the front of her dress--decided she wanted to go home early to let her dogs out. Amanda was staggering about and could not stand up straight without swaying. Her coworkers and friends rejected the idea of her driving, but she insisted that she was fine.

Several coworkers offered to drive her, but Amanda refused, stating that she did not want to leave her car behind. Amanda and her friends were at an awkward stalemate.

I cut in, offering to take Amanda home while getting a cab back to the resort. The other girls didn't mind this idea, especially when I offered to call when Amanda got home safely and I was on my way back. After bantering back and forth with her friends, Amanda finally relented to my idea.

I really didn't want to take her home, but I wasn't fond of the possibility of her killing herself and some other innocent bystanders. Thus, I drove her home.

On the way, we engaged in strained small talk, at least on my end. We had very little in common. I had to dig through the depths of my social repertoire, which was molded from years of performances and public speaking, to hold a decent conversation with this girl. Maybe she was shy, or just drunk, but she had little interesting to say about anything. 

She did lament about her single status, though. "I just moved here and the dating pool sucks in this area. I went on a few dates from Tinder and those didn't pan out well."

When we arrived at her house, Amanda used her phone to get an Uber taxi cab for me. She invited me inside while I waited for the cab to arrive.

As we entered her house, she said, "I never bring guys here that I had just met..."

I nodded, figuring that she had brought several guys before me home, but somehow wanted to make herself sound more reserved and conservative than her current actions dictated. 
 
"Let me introduce you to my roommate. I think he's on the back patio." 

We wandered to the back patio where a guy was sitting on a lawn chair and smoking hookah. He stood up and greeted Amanda with a peck on the lips, indicating that they've been much more than mere roommates on several occasions. Then he turned and greeted me in a jovial voice. We talked, and he was pleasant enough. He was much easier to talk to than Amanda.

Before I could get settled in, my Uber cab arrived. Amanda offered to walk me out to the front and gave me a hug. I felt her silicone breasts push against me like a pair of water balloons.

The uber driver, a middle-aged lady, commented how we made a cute couple. I thanked Amanda for getting the cab and hugged her once more before departing.

On the way back, the uber driver said, "Did you just meet her? You look great together."

"We met a few hours ago. I just drove her home because she was a little too tipsy."

"Oh, I love stories like these! I could tell that girl was really into you. I could see it in her eyes."

"Really?" I said in wonder, because I didn't notice such a look from Amanda.

"Ooohhh, yeah. Honey, I've been doing this for a while. I can tell. That girl had doe eyes for ya... So are you going to see her again?"

"Probably not."

"Oh, why not?" the cab driver asked in dismay.

"She's not my type," I answered.




Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Bachelorette Party Souvenirs

Over the years, bachelorette parties have given me many souvenirs and trinkets to take home in addition to tip money. These have included custom t-shirts, penis straws, penis whistles, koozies, condoms, necklaces, bracelets, feather boas, various hats, sex toys, thongs, panties, and much more shit that I didn't really need. 

Here's a small collection of things I've received over the last month:



What do I do with these? 

Easy. I pass them out at future bachelorette parties as souvenirs. As for the panties, I can give them as a gift to an intimate girlfriend--and the best part is that I didn't have to pay for them!



Thursday, May 5, 2016

Salary for April 2016

For those of you who have asked me questions in the past about a male stripper's salary, you're in a for a treat. I'm actually going to share some info on what I made in April, which is peak season for my neck of the woods. The amount consists of my initial deposit the customer pays me plus tips.

In April of 2016, I performed at 13 parties and made approximately $2,900. These parties took place primarily on Fridays and Saturdays. They were mostly bachelorette parties with maybe a birthday party or two in the mix. All of the clients were female. 

All in all, not bad for working only on the weekends, and it combines well with my salary from my day job.

I could have made more, but I turned down a total of 8 parties because of schedule conflicts (with either my day job or prior engagements). Therefore, it was easily possible to have made over $4,000.

Keep in mind that this does not reflect the industry average. There IS NO industry average. Each and every male stripper out there makes a different amount. Some guys are more popular, some are not. Some may live in areas where they get too few bookings, while others have multiple bookings a night. Some guys do gay-for-pay, which substantially increases the payload, while others like me only stick with female clientele. 

For those of you who are also in the industry, feel free to share your numbers.

 


Tuesday, May 3, 2016

A Thief at the Party

Women rarely steal from their stripper -- at least from my experience. Sure a few girls tried to swipe my handcuffs as a souvenir, but never anything beyond that.

Two weeks ago, a girl at one of my bachelorette parties attempted to swipe all of my tip money. This party was rather large for a private one, numbering at approximately 27 girls. 

The bride's mother hired me, paid me the deposit up front, and even supplied the additional tip money. She cashed out four stacks of ones. The girls distributed this to me in a chaotic manner, often "making it rain" on me, so I could do little to keep track of it all. After my show, a kind family member, the bride's aunt, gathered all of my tip money and placed it in a pile next to my clothes. It was a substantial amount.

Before I donned on my clothes and collected my tip money, I posed with the bride for a few one-on-one photos. After taking a few pictures and hugging her one final time, I went to where my clothes and money pile was... The clothes laid there in a heap, but the money was gone.

I asked the bride's aunt if she moved the tip money. She looked appalled. "I thought I had put it all right here! Who took it?" She inquired around on my behalf. A few other girls joined her. 

I waited patiently for a few minutes, and finally a young short girl with chestnut hair dropped a wad of bills in front of me. It looked noticeably smaller than the pile the bride's aunt had gathered earlier. I stared at her, but she avoided my gaze and sauntered off quickly. My gut feeling told me that she was the thief, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I had my suspicions at this point, but that was it.

The next day I counted the tip money, and it was only 38 dollars. Judging from the stacks of ones that the bride's mom pulled out for me initially, I knew this was not the correct amount. So I called her and explained everything. Usually I wouldn't make a big deal, but if there was a girl taking the tip money, that means that she was not only stealing from me, but she also stole from the bride's mom, because it was her money in the first place.

The bride's mother listened to everything and said, "Well, in addition to the you should have about 62 dollars in tips, because you left 38 of it behind with me."

"I only have 38 dollars in ones, so there's some that's unaccounted for." I proceeded to tell her about how the money disappeared for a few minutes and about the girl who brought it back in a smaller amount.

"Do you know who it was?"

I described the girl in question, but since there were 27 people in total, my description didn't narrow anyone down for her. 

"Personally, it's not a large amount for me to fuss over," I said, "but I just wanted to give you and your daughter a heads up that one of her friends may have ill intentions. I just hope I'm wrong and I apologize for the inconvenience."

"No. Thanks for letting me know." 

I have done hundreds of parties, and this hasn't been a problem in the past. Usually if there's money left behind, it's my fault because I didn't gather all the bills up thoroughly and left the occasional stray ones that somehow fell to the floor and went under tables and couches. 

This is the first time I had someone try to steal money from me. Hence I prefer smaller parties -- easier to manage the crowd while keeping track of my belongings.