Thursday, April 24, 2014

An Unpleasant Party

Friday – April 4, 2014
Bachelorette Party

Most of my shows consist of women in their 20s who are at least somewhat attractive. This particular bachelorette party sat on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of beauty.

Not all of the women were repulsive. The bride and her maid of honor were a little easy on the eyes, both having long, flowing blonde hair and pretty faces. But some of the other women made me shudder in revulsion.

The bride’s mother hired me for this party. She was nice enough and wanted to surprise her daughter. The party took place in a townhouse located in a town near a military base, so most of the women had strong ties to the military. In fact, the bride’s soon-to-be-husband was in the military.

My strip show for the bride went well enough. She was in the living room with everyone else and enjoyed my striptease and was even getting into it. Her mother requested that I focus primarily on her daughter. I should’ve heeded that advice. Instead, I asked the bride (what is normally a safe and fun question at other parties) which lady she wanted me to dance with next.

The bride pointed to an old lady sitting on a recliner. Now this lady wasn’t that old. Her hair color had more pepper color to it than salt. She had wrinkles and a smoker’s voice that added years to her appearance. The most horrifying feature was the visible amount of facial hair on her. It was as if menopause dried up all of the remaining estrogen pools in her body and filled them with testosterone.

When I approached her, she was eating a slice of cake, which she dropped off her paper plate. It tumbled down her shirt and into her lap, leaving a trail of white frosting on her clothes. She picked it up off her lap and finished it off, so she had a mouthful of cake and mumbled out crumbs when she talked.

I danced in front of her, but not too close in proximity to her. The only thing I could think of was that she needed to wax her moustache. I silently thanked her when she waved me on, saying that she had enough.

Everyone pointed at the next lady they wanted me to get. All fingers pointed to a heavyset lady sitting down next to the cake table.

My use of the word “heavyset” is a very conservative description of her in this circumstance. She was at least 250 lbs. overweight, resembling a bean bag with a head. If I tried to hug her, my arms would not be able to reach around her body. Her hair was oily brown and braided. She grimaced like she ate a sour grape as I drew near. “Sorry, I only like black guys,” she said like I was the disgusting one between the two of us.

Fine with me, I thought. I backed away without a moment’s hesitation.

The rest of the party suggested I get the maid of honor, but she was nowhere in sight. Instead, they pointed out another lady for me. She was middle-aged. Compared to the previous two, she wasn’t so bad except for a few missing teeth. Her smoker’s breath, which I could smell from a yard away, made me want to gag.

I went back to the bride as though she were beacon of fresh air at this party and did not leave her side until I was done with my performance. It didn’t take long to finish. Fortunately, the bride and her mother were ecstatic with my performance.

As I got dressed and gathered my tip money, the maid of honor returned to the living room on the verge of tears. The bride went to her side and asked what happened. Here was the story:

Apparently the maid of honor’s boyfriend called in the middle of my performance, so she answered the phone. The boyfriend inferred that a male stripper was present due to hearing some of the ladies cheering and yelling something about “the male stripper,” so he threw a temper tantrum at his girlfriend. How dare she attend a party with a male stripper present!

The ironic thing was that the maid of honor was going out to the clubs later with the bride and the rest of the young girls to get shitfaced. The idea of his girlfriend going out to a club and getting drunk while a bunch of horny guys try to seduce her all night did not bother him, but being in the same room as a male stripper was crossing the line. She did not even interact with me at all, and she was in trouble for it.

I did not need a crystal ball to predict a lot of disagreements in that couple’s future.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Stripping On A Movie Set - Part 2

Continued from Part 1 - Click here to read

(Author's note: I will combine both part 1 and 2 into one complete post later.)

Ambyr Childers - photo courtesy of Esquire Magazine
Once Tiffanie was done painting the anniversary message on my chest and back, I put on my Metro Police outfit as quickly as I could. After that, the film crew ushered me into a white van, and we took off for the movie set that was being filmed a few blocks away. The driver used a two-way radio to communicate with another person on the set, relaying a message that “the stripper is en route.”

As we approached the movie set in downtown Mobile, I saw several real police cars from the Mobile Police Department cordoning off the movie set with flashing blue lights. One police car was blocking a street. The officer saw us and backed up his car to let our van pass. Everyone got out of the van and escorted me down the block. The scene beyond was surreal.

It was literally out of a movie. They city block looked like an artificial warzone. White smoke from an unseen smoke machine choked the street and sidewalk. The bright white lights from the lighting crew cast a washed out glow among the redbrick of the business buildings, making them look more like a stage set erected during a theater play than actual buildings. A Metro Police car was parked along the sidewalk. This scene made me feel like I was a Metro Police officer responding to the carnage. 

Before I could feel myself get into character, I saw a crowd of people down the street with cameras, lights, chairs, and everything imaginable that belonged on a movie set. My sense of immersion evaporated. 

A large and husky man approached me with a two-way radio and introduced himself as a stunt man. He told me to get into the Metro Police car on the passenger side, and he would drive me towards Ambyr Childers who was going to be in front of a parking garage. The whole movie crew was pretending to film the Metro Police car arriving on scene, and I was going to be one of the officers. Ambyr would assume that I was one of the actors and not suspect anything out of the ordinary.

Even though I was pressed for time, I was enjoying myself. I just wish I wasn’t pressed for time for my next gig so I could relax and take in the whole experience.  

I looked at the parking garage and wondered how the hell I would find Ambyr Childers in that mess. Not only did I not know what she looked like, there were too many people milling about that my brain failed to discern the actress apart from them. Then a petite girl emerged alone from the crowd and walked towards the front entrance of the parking garage accompanied by an older gentleman. They were both talking casually to each other. She caught my attention because she was dressed in some tight and shiny, black leather material from her shoulders downward. Her long blonde hair contrasted with her dark outfit.  
“That’s her,” the stuntman said. “The blonde girl in the black outfit.”

“She’ll be easy to find then,” I said in relief. “I was worried that I’d have to pick her out of the wad of people over there.” 

“Well, her stunt double is across the street dressed just like her,” he chuckled, pointing to another blonde in black leather across the street. 

“Shit! Glad you pointed the real one out then! That would’ve been embarrassing to go up to the wrong one.”

He laughed. “This is going to be great.”

Someone radioed to the stuntman that everything was ready.

“Copy,” he replied to the radio. He turned to me and muttered, “We’re gonna go in hot, so I hope you don’t mind a little speed.” 

The stuntman started the car and pushed a few buttons on a control switch mounted beneath the dash board to activate the light bar. A guy standing next to our car said that the light bar was not flashing blue lights, so the stuntman began pushing random buttons to no avail. I was already feeling each second of delay burning away my patience, so offered to help. I manage to find a switch and flip it, and saw the flicker of blue lights reflecting off the red brick buildings. 

“You got it now,” the man next to our car said. 

“Thanks! Here we go then!” the stuntman said, slamming his foot into the pedal.

We zipped across the street to the parking garage and lurched to a quick stop. The cameras were rolling. “It’s all you now, buddy,” the stuntman said.

I exited the car with a purpose, walking towards the entrance of the parking garage like I knew what I was doing. On the inside though, the lights, noise, and crowd of people in the background overwhelmed my senses. There was too much going on. I focused on the blonde girl dressed in black leather. The old gentlemen with Ambyr grinned as he saw my approach and stepped away, discreetly pointing at her for me. As I walked up to Ambyr, I heard some music come on, but it was faint and barely audible. Her face went from a blank expression to a look of horror as I started dancing in front of her. 

Someone thrust a chair behind her, but she didn’t notice and tried to run away. Somehow, some people managed to guide her into the chair where she sat and covered her face in embarrassment.

My police shirt came off first, revealing my chest and abs, and on them were the words: “Randall is God.” From the information I gathered earlier, Randall was Ambyr’s husband, and today was their anniversary. So Randall masterminded a plan for a stripper to surprise his wife. I never got to meet him, but his sense of humor infected everyone on the movie set, because I could hear them all laughing and cheering in the background.

Ambyr seemed appalled when I took off my shirt. Just before my pants came down, she muttered a quick protest, “Thanks, but you don’t have to take off your pants—OH GOD!” 

I turned and looked at her. My pants was around my ankles, and my butt encased in tight lycra briefs faced her. She was about to freak out. I felt bad for her. She curled up in the chair, her hands covering her face. 

“Happy anniversary from Randall,” I said, turning around and performing a bodybuilding pose known as a “lat spread,” where I spread my back muscles out so she could read the message on the back. It read, “Happy Anniversary” with a few hearts spread throughout my back. I hoped the gesture would put her at ease, because her discomfort was making me feel bad. 

From what I could tell, she laughed a bit at that and relaxed. 

I tried to dance the best I could, given my inability to hear the music. 

Ambyr raised her hands indicating for me to stop. “You’re a great dancer, but that’s enough.”

It was a good time to stop. In my mind, I felt like I botched the whole thing because I wanted to play out the whole charade of being a Metro Police officer a little longer, duping Ambyr into thinking we were filming a scene. I wanted to dance better and put on a more elegant show. My dance lasted probably a whole minute at the most. With that short duration, I felt like I was ripping the customer off. The crowd told me otherwise though. I turned at waved at the film crew, and they responded with cheers and applause. When I walked off towards the crowd, several people said I did a great job, and they did so with a smile or laughter on their face. Even two Mobile Police officers watched my performance and were grinning about it. Ambyr’s reaction must have been priceless.  

Since I was on the set, I wanted to stay around and watch. It’s not every day that I would get an opportunity to watch a multi-million dollar movie being made, but I was running very late for my next job. The driver of the van was ready to get me back to my car, so I could make my next appointment. I sometimes curse the excitement of my life. My schedule is so crammed that I could not even hang out on the set of a Hollywood movie. Talk about fuckin irony. 

My disappointments did not end there. I was unable to get any pictures with Ambyr since I left my phone with my real clothes in the dressing room of one of the trailers. Besides, as soon as I finished stripping, she retreated off the set in embarrassment. I couldn’t even apologize to her for making her feel uncomfortable. Even worse, I found out from one of the film crew that the Mobile Police Department arrested a man for stalking Ambyr on the previous night. No wonder she was so appalled by my approach! I felt horrible. 

Some of the crew rushed me back to the trailers where my car was parked. They did everything in their power to hurry for me. The fact that the whole crew went out of their way to accommodate my schedule was humbling. They deserve a commendation for it. 

When I got back to change, one of the crew members wanted a picture of me with the anniversary message. She took a picture for me as well:

Pic taken in dressing room of movie trailer

Even after eleven years of experience, being a male stripper always offers something new. I had to go somewhere completely out of my element, like a movie set where I’m gawking around in awe, and surprise an actress that is completely inside her element, causing her to gawk instead. I’m glad that I never got this gig early on in my career. I would not have been able to do it as a rookie. 

So now that I have stripped for an actress on a movie set, I wonder what other surprises await. I just hope that the whole scene of me stripping for her doesn’t appear on any bonus footage when the movie comes out on Blu-Ray or DVD. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Interview With Booking Agent Bravo

Booking Agent Bravo works for one of the largest companies for booking strippers in North America. He requested to remain anonymous because he does not want to receive unsolicited e-mails, calls, or texts from anyone except customers. This interview will appear in my upcoming book, along with several others. For those of you aspiring male strippers out there, here are some answers about the occupation direct from the employer:

Dion:  First, tell us about yourself. How long have you been a booking agent?

Bravo: 17 years booking agent..... I like to keep the rest with myself.

Dion: Have you been a stripper before?

Bravo: Yes.

Dion: How do you find strippers? 

Bravo: When I did strip, I toured around the U.S. for years, and from city to city I kept all the contacts that I ever met. After 10 years, I had little over 2000 contacts from around the U.S. Now I have them sign up on my website or most are referrals from other dancers giving out my number.

Dion: What qualities/traits do you look for in male stripper applicants?

Bravo: The main traits that I look for are reliability, trust, personable and dependable. Everything else can be taught or relearned.  Last but not least, looks have to be at least somewhat good or least a good representation to the company. There are many sizes, shapes, colors, and there is always clients that will think someone is attractive when represented properly.

Dion: This is a question I get a lot from readers - Is penis size important for male stripper applicants?

Bravo: That really has nothing to do with male stripper applicants. Girls use their mind as a sex organ for their visual, so unless you are whipping it out and wrapping your penis around their wrist like bracelet, the girls 98 percent of the time don't ask about penis size. NOW of course in the end this is always a plus for being a male stripper, just as having large tits is for a girl stripper.

Dion: What are the most common requests you get from customers wanting to hire a male stripper? 

Bravo: The basic things clients ask for are a specific race they want, can they pick their dancer, can they touch, are there pictures allowed, if someone is over 6 ft. tall, and can they keep it tamed or make it wild as hell.

Dion: Can you give examples of some strange or bizarre requests that a customer wanted a male stripper to do?

Bravo: The strange requests for costumes have been a bunny, Darth Vader, a baby, Godzilla and a Star Trek costume. These are usually interesting parties. I think I have been doing this for so many years that nothing is strange to me anymore. More interesting requests would be asking for a fat, hairy, disgusting pig of a guy as a joke on the bachelorette, or a midget to be delivered in a baby cart with him sucking his thumb. We have done midget bowling before where you toss the guys down a slip as if they were a helmet to knock down the pins. I cannot really think of anything else off the top of my mind for strange.

Dion: Can you give an example of a horrible male stripper?

Bravo: I have had a guy start his show and 30 minutes into it, he went to the bathroom, took a 20 minute bath, then used the toilet, clogged it, and the girl kicked him out. How I know this is that she called me up during the show explaining this to me, and I was laughing so hard I thought she was making this up. The girls where dry heaving from the smell in the hotel room. When he finally left, she said she had to scrub the bathtub because there was a black scum dirt line in the tub from where water stopped at. I could not even fire him because I never heard from him again.

Dion: What kind of complaints do you get regarding your male stripping employees? (i.e. fucking the bride, fighting with someone, showing up drunk).

Bravo: Well, those 3 complaints have been brought to my attention. 

If it is fighting, it's because one girl in the party is too drunk and has a big mouth. She is usually a man hater and will not stop calling the dancer names. I have heard of my girls showing up drunk, not any of my guys. 

Fucking the bride I have heard many times. I usually ask them, "What would you like me to do? This is between 2 adults and technically you should be yelling at her, not me for being the whore." lol. The one who is complaining is usually the girl who did not fuck the dancer and I believe she wanted him more than the bachelorette. 

Time, time and time is the biggest issue. If the dancers would just send a text or give call if they are running late. Even if they are 2 minutes late, the girls will be calling me at the exact time and start yelling that I am not professional and this business is illegitimate. I start laughing because they are usually drunk and its 1 minute after the dancer was due. Enough said.

Dion: The worst complaint about a male stripper? 

Bravo: HEIGHT HEIGHT and HEIGHT is number one thing complained about.  They want the tall, dark and handsome look. Which to them is 6 ft. and taller, exotic ethnicity or multiracial background, and someone they would have a one night stand with. 

Dion: Do you have some examples of the wildest parties?

Bravo: There are numerous wild parties. Too many to think of. 

Dion: What is the largest event you have booked? 

Bravo: Largest event would be about 20 performers at one event. Largest event with the most people would have been 10,000 people.

Dion: What are common mistakes that male stripping applicants do when they contact you for a job?

Bravo: Mistakes applying for a job are made when one lies about there abililty on what they
can do. For example, when you say you have done this for years and you really have 1 show under your belt from 6 month ago, or say you're 200 pound and Italian, and then send me pictures that are not yourself.  I am going to find out because the parties are taking pictures or video and what they do is call me and forward the pictures of who showed up. After that, there is no reason to keep that entertainer around.

Friday, April 11, 2014

News From April 2014

Between my full time work, stripping work, filing taxes, gardening, weight lifting, and yard work, I haven't had much this week to write. However, I took a week off starting today to relax and catch up on a few things. I'll be on a cruise ship again (booked one of the best rooms on board), so my next update is automatically scheduled for Monday morning.

Next Update: Interview With Booking Agent Bravo. One of my booking agents, who runs on the biggest male stripping booking companies in the U.S., recently gave me an interview, which will appear in my upcoming book. He describes some interesting events in the profession and also shares what he looks for in male stripper applicants.

Future Updates

- Part two of my strip show for Ambyr Childers.
- A following party where I stripped and got a girl in trouble with her boyfriend.
- 50th birthday party for a wild lady who loves to frequent male strip clubs.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Stripping On A Movie Set - Part 1

My knowledge of celebrities is a joke. When someone names a random celebrity and asks me if I know him or her, I usually say, “I don’t know.” The response I get is, “How do you not know this person?” I just don’t. I am very ignorant of the world of pop-culture and Hollywood in general. I rarely even watch movies.
When my booking agent called me today for a last minute party, I almost turned it down. I already had a show booked for Orange Beach, along with another appointment later.

“It’s going to be on a movie set in Mobile,” he said.

“Oh, okay,” I said. I’ve been on a few sets of indie films before, so I assumed that this gig would be similar to those. Besides, the only people who make movies in Mobile, Alabama are usually local indie producers.
It was a tight fit in the schedule, but I decided to take the gig. It wasn’t too far from Orange Beach, and these type of gigs usually didn’t last long.

The customer was working on the set with the film crew when I called. I think he was one of the assistant producers, but I cannot remember exactly. He told me that I would be stripping for an actress named Ambyr Childers. I never heard of her, so I thought I was safe. Then again, my knowledge of actors is very limited.

“What does she look like?” I asked over the phone.

“You can’t miss her. Blonde, short, and very pretty. Her husband Randall is setting all this up. It’s their anniversary.”

“Ok, so just a quick performance then?” I asked, assuming from experience that her husband had a sense of humor and wanted to surprise her.

“Yeah, we might dress you up in a merc outfit from the movie so she won’t suspect anything.”

One thing that came to mind was that I would be stripping on a movie set, and there would be some people around. I usually wore thongs for my show, but this crowd would want something less revealing. I asked the customer what would be appropriate.

“Wear boxer briefs or something along those lines. A thong would definitely be too much. And another thing,” he added. “Can we put body paint on you beforehand? It’s going to be an anniversary message. Are you okay with this?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Oh, and one more request,” he said. “Can we film it?”

“Yeah, no problem!” I said without a care. People take pictures and film me all the time anyway. So what if an indie film has some extra footage of a male stripper? Boy, was I mistaken.

I arrived late, of course. The show from Orange Beach held me up for an extra thirty minutes. Moreover, it took me a lot longer to get to Mobile than I had thought. The assistant producer told me to pull into a parking lot on Jackson Street that had a lot of trailers. He’d meet me there after he was done filming a scene. I almost got lost, but I managed to find the parking lot.

Trailer with restrooms, changing rooms, etc.
The parking lot had all the trailers and tents for the movie crew. A large white tent sat in one corner. Several trailers and many cars filled the rest of the parking lot. There was a police car in the parking lot that had an emblem of a shield on the door with “Metro Police” below it. Seeing the police car made me suspect that this wasn’t just a regular indie film. A lot of money went into this project.

A young black girl with a two-way radio came to meet me and asked if I was the stripper. I told her that I was. She radioed to the filming crew, telling them that I had arrived. She said that I had to wait a bit because the crew were filming now, but I could help myself to some food or drink at the catering tent. I had to pee though, so I asked her about a bathroom. She escorted me to one of the trailers and told me to go inside. There was a men’s restroom and a women’s restroom. The men’s restroom was large enough to walk around in without feeling cramped, complete with a urinal, a stall, and a sink.

Inside the makeup trailer
The young girl with the radio came and got me once I exited the restroom and brought me to the makeup trailer where I would get the anniversary message painted on me. The makeup trailer was very extravagant, well lit with mirrors and an arsenal of makeup supplies that dwarfed every modeling set that I have ever been to.

This whole setup was starting to make me feel a little uneasy. It reminded me of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s biography where he was talking about being in the trailers of the film set. A lot of money definitely went into this production.

I entered the makeup trailer, and a young girl named Tiffanie introduced herself to me as the makeup artist. She was going to paint some messages on the front and back of my torso, so I took off my shirt and sat down.

While she was painting some words on my chest, a few women, members of the costume and wardrobe department, entered and asked for my clothing size. They debated whether I should be a Metro Police or a Merc, types of characters for the movie. I told them my size, and they decided on the Metro Police uniform for me and left the makeup trailer.

This whole event was taking more time than I had planned, and I was going to be late for my next appointment as a result. I passed the time talking to Tiffanie to get my mind off this matter.

“So, what’s this movie called?” I asked.

“It’s called Vice starring Bruce Willis,” Tiffanie began. She continued to elaborate on the plot, which was about people paying to use androids for their own twisted desires, and one female android becomes self-aware of this fact and doesn’t like it one bit.

When I heard her mention Bruce Willis, my first thought was, “What the hell have I signed up for?” I specifically took work out of town to keep a low profile. Now I was stripping on the set of a Bruce Willis movie and I gave the crew permission to film me! I should have asked a few more questions earlier.

One of the ladies from the costume department entered the makeup trailer with my Metro Police costume.
Accompanying her was the assistant producer. He handed me my payment and filled me in on what to do. I was to dress as a Metro Police officer, get into a Metro Police car, and pull into the set quickly like we were filming a take for the movie. I would get out of the car and approach the actress, and start stripping for her—all while the cameras film my performance.

This whole gig was exciting for me. It was something new. Yet I had my reasons to feel reluctant. I know some people would love to trade places with me, but I did not want footage of me stripping to get out on such a level. On top of it all, I was really running late. What have I gotten myself into?

...To be continued