Friday, March 28, 2014

Highlights of March 2014 - Part 1

March 15, 2014

Gulf Shores, Alabama.

10 Women from Louisiana.

A petite Cajun girl hired me for her friend's bachelorette party. She wanted me to come dressed in a business suit with a bow tie. Unfortunately, the bachelorette came down with a virus the day before, so she was completely out of it, spending the day either sleeping or throwing up. Her friends barely were able to rouse her before I arrived.

I entered the condo to see a room of mostly sober women with an ill bachelorette in her pajamas. This was a first. I never had the girl, who was the center of attention, so sick that she could barely move! Nevertheless, I stripped and gave it my best. Despite being in her condition, the bachelorette perked up in surprise. She did not want to participate much, but requested that I dance for her friends instead. I was happy to oblige because I was afraid that she would puke on me. Also, I did not want to get what she had! Poor girl...

A few of her friends got a little wild with me. The Cajun girl got very drunk, and at one point, seemed like she wanted to make out with me. I refrained from doing so. Making out with a drunk girl in front of a sober crowd would result in big time drama that was best left avoided.

After finishing, the women gave me a round of applause and cheers for my performance. While I was getting dressed, I noticed printouts of half-naked men taped to the walls. The bachelorette explained that each girl printed out her favorite "stud" to tape to the wall, with her stud being several members of some new boy band that I never heard of (nor cared to even hear about). The boy band were teenagers, and the other women teased the bachelorette about being a pedophile.

Of course, one slender brunette tacked a picture of Channing Tatum in the living room. It was a shot from Magic Mike.

"Did you like the movie?" I asked her.

"It was horrible," the slender brunette replied. "But I love Channing Tatum though. I met him in person too!"

"Oh yeah?"

"It was on the setlist of Jumpstreet 22," she explained. "I'm going to be an extra in that movie."

I told her that I'll keep an eye out for her (plus I want to confirm).

Overall, this whole party had the setup for a disaster, but in the end, everyone had fun. The women said that the bachelorette being ill put a damper on their plans, and they thanked me for turning their night around.

"You're going to be the highlight of our trip," the bachelorette said as I was leaving.

Bless her heart. I hope she recovered by now.

March 22, 2014

Orange Beach, Alabama. Two different bachelorette parties booked me at the same condo.

The first party requested a doctor, which was unique since no one ever wanted me to dress as a doctor before. The customer explained that one of the girls was going to fake a panic attack and have me show up to help her. Since I didn't have anything to resemble a doctor's outfit, I suggested that I show up as a firefighter responding to a medical call.

When I entered the condo, the girl who was pretending to have a panic attack was sprawled over the coffee table, crying hysterically. She was doing such a good job at it that I would have thought she had a legitimate problem had I not been in on the plan. I played along and pretended like I was trying to help her. She snatched her arm away and sat down, calling the bachelorette over. As soon as the bachelorette sat down to comfort her, the music started playing. The girl faking the panic attack began laughing and said to the bachelorette, "Haha! Gotcha bitch!"

I started to dance and strip.

The bachelorette's eyes widened, then she smiled in realization. "I hate you!" she said to the room. Then she looked at me in shock and said, "You are such a liar!"

My deceptive act did not bother her too bad since she put her hands on me and relaxed.

My routine went well. I focused primarily on the bachelorette, but made my rounds with a few of her friends and her sister. I elicited cheers from the crowd before I did something naughty, such as push my crotch into a random girl's face. The louder the cheers, the more decadent the act. The crowd loved it, and I had them screaming really loud.

The neighbors did not like it. Management came pounding on the door halfway through my performance.

After we were warned, I decided to play a more quiet game, so I suggested blindfolding the bachelorette and having her take the dollar bills out of my thong with her mouth. Her friend who faked the panic attack earlier assisted in this game by pushing the bachelorette's face into my cock repeatedly, only her actions did not help much at all. As a matter of fact, her friend seemed intent on steering the bachelorette's face towards my cock more than anything.

One this game was over, the girls demanded more. By this time, over an hour had passed, and I had already gone through my typical bag of tricks: strip, dance, dry-hump, pull dollar bills out of cleavage and panties with my mouth, and bodyshots. There was only so much I could do before my routine became repetitive and boring. I came up with the idea of having the girls blindfold me while I take dollars from the bachelorette. Everyone loved this idea. They decided to take it a step further.

They blindfolded me and the bachelorette left the room to change. I assumed that she was going to put on some sexy lingerie. I relaxed and reclined on the couch, unable to see anything. When the bachelorette came back, she climbed atop me. When I placed my hands around her waist, my suspicions were confirmed: She was definitely in lingerie.

I could not see a thing, but I grabbed dollar bills from her bra and the front of her thong. I almost missed and bumped directly into her pussy at one point. One bystander was disappointed about this. To my surprise, girl who faked the panic attack earlier filmed the whole incident and sent it to me. Here's the video:

The girls wanted me to get nude, but I was running late for my next party, which was unfortunate because things could have really gotten wild. However, customer service came first over my selfish needs. I owed the second party that degree of professionalism. As I wrapped up my act, the crowd told me that they were going out to the club later and invited me to come along after I was finished working. I told them that I would.

So I gathered my things and headed back to the lobby to meet the customers for the second party. At least I didn't have to go far.

To be continued...

Monday, March 24, 2014

11 Years Of Stripping

March of 2014 marks the eleventh year since I started stripping back in 2003 for a small, local company called French Addiction. Little did I know at the time that I'd still be doing this job past the age of 30.

There are two main differences between stripping in 2003 and stripping now. The first and obvious difference is that I am a much better performer now than back then. I can stimulate a crowd better, dance better, and give better customer service than ever before. The second difference is that I have a full time professional job. Back in 2003, I relied on stripping as my main income. Not anymore. Now, it supplements my income, provides me with some extra spending money.

My opinion about being a male stripper has changed several times throughout the last decade. I started off by wearing this job like a badge of pride, bragging to anyone and everyone who would listen. Then I treated it like it was a seedy profession that I needed to quit in order to appease society's perception of me. Now I see stripping as a fun part of my life where I can meet many interesting women and go to a lot of exciting places. The extra cash is great too.

So I have made a decision: I'm going to continue this job throughout my thirties. Not only will this act provide me with motivation to stay in shape, but I'll also have an influx of new content for my writing.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Misleading Nutritional Labels

Eating healthy has become a trend due to the growing obesity problem in developed countries. As a result, food companies have created “healthy” labels to guide customers towards their products. Most of these so-called labels are bullshit though. They’re a monetary ploy to trick customers into spending money.

Let’s examine some common labels out there and their deceptive meanings:

Organic – Sometimes is organic, but not always. Corporations have jumped on the “organic” bandwagon in order to cash in on the health trend. Finding a true organic product will require some research on your part. Or you can start a garden yourself.

Natural Flavors – Beware of this so-called “ingredient.” This is a bullshit word companies use to trick the consumer into thinking that there’s something healthy inside the product. The term “natural flavors” can mean anything that comes from nature. So if I picked up a stick in the woods, skewered a piece of bear shit, and dropped it into a can, I can say this particular ingredient is “natural flavors.”

Reduced Fat / Fat Free – Tends to have a lot of sugar or sodium as a substitute. If you buy 5 lbs. bag of sugar, then it’s guaranteed to be 100% fat free.

Sugar Free – Similar to the “fat free” label, companies substitute sugar with some other harmful chemical, such as hydrogenated oils. Sometimes, you’re better off eating actual sugar. There are some studies claim that sugar-substitutes can cause cancer. Then again, being alive can cause cancer. Ever notice that only living people get cancer?

Cage-free Chickens – They’re cage-free all right, but possibly live crammed together with a thousand other chickens in a coupe. I own chickens myself. So if I shoved two-hundred of them inside my toolshed, then they’d be cage-free chickens too!

Green Labels – A lot of frozen dinners come with green labels that allude to being “healthy” with low calories. This shit might have fewer calories, but the content of sodium, preservatives, and MSG is still prevalent. Also, the green labels attached to food and eco-friendly products is another advertising fad aimed at making money. Be sure to check the ingredients.

X grams of Protein – 25 grams of protein per serving can also come with 30 grams of sugar and lard. Protein bars tend to be the culprit here, but there are a few other products that tote the protein label because everyone assumes that protein is good. Many protein bars tend to have large amounts of sugar alcohol as a sweetener, so they’re not really that nutritious. Since these “high-protein” products often use peanuts as the protein source, just buy peanuts or almonds instead.

0 grams of Trans Fat – This food can have a high concentration of saturated fat instead, which is the type of fat that your body has a hard time breaking down.

All Natural – Very vague and deceptive. Once again, I can put rocks, sticks, and turds into the mix and call it “all natural.”  

Low Carb – Ever since the Atkins Diet fad, a lot of people associate carbohydrates as something worse than saturated fat. Your body needs carbs to function. Your muscles and brain needs carbs to function properly. There are different types of carbohydrates, such as fibrous carbs and starchy carbs. Complex carbohydrates, especially from potatoes, give a boost to your workout.

Electrolytes – Many drinks claim to “replenish your body’s electrolytes.” What they mean to say is that there is shit like potassium bicarbonate and calcium chloride in the drink, often combined with sugar to make it taste better. Just drink fuckin water. If you have a phobia of fluoride and other chemicals in water, then buy distilled water. 


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Bachelorette Party In Perdido Key

Saturday - March 8, 2014

12 Girls

Costume:  GQ

A group of ladies from New Orleans came to party in Perdido Key and hired a male stripper for the first time. They had me on speaker phone when I spoke to them, and they sounded very nervous. I walked them through my routine. There was no special request for a costume, so I just wore my pleather pants, my black boots, and a dress shirt for my costume.

The performance went very well. All of the women were very beautiful and extremely friendly. When I straddled the bachelorette and cued her friends to cheer for me, they gave a deafening roar, which caused the bachelorette's face to flush a bright red. I took body shots from several girls, and several girls took body shots off of me. Everyone giggled in the background at the expense of whomever was the focus of my attention.

What I found touching was one girl going into her room so she could get more cash to tip me. Usually, a lot of private bachelorette parties have a predetermined tip amount to give the male stripper. Women seldom dig in their purses for extra money to give the stripper during these private shows. That's what guys do for female strippers. She gave me an extra $40, totaling out to over $120 in tips alone. Her gesture both surprised and touched me.

After my performance, I stayed and talked with everyone. They were curious about my profession. Not only did I pop their male stripper cherry, but they never had even met a male stripper before.

I left in an extremely good mood. If only all parties could go this well.