Saturday, February 28, 2015

Spring Break 2015: March 2nd to 4th SALE

To celebrate the upcoming spring break (at least in my warm area of the South), my book, "Behind the G-String: Dion's Guide to Becoming a Male Stripper," will be on sale on Amazon Kindle from March 2nd until March 4th. I suggest buying it on the 2nd because it will only be $0.99 cents that day.

My upcoming memoir, tentatively titled "American Stripper," will be out in late March or early April. It's about to go to my editor, Kelly Luce, to endure the wrath of her red pen.

If you like this blog, then you'll love the memoir, which has many more candid stories from my college days. I also went through my old photos and scanned many of them for the book. Overall, I'm very pleased with the progress so far. This was the book I've been wanting to write for a long time, and it's almost done. 

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Senior Citizen Outing

Last night, a group of old ladies got together and hired a male stripper (me) for their evening's entertainment. They turned out to be a wild bunch despite being over sixty and seventy. Maybe it had something to do with the insecurities and inhibitions of youth fading away with age. Below are some of the memorable quotes from them:

  • "Careful with me... I have a bad hip!"
  • "It's been a long time since I felt a man this young, this smooth. My husband is all wrinkly and saggy."
  • "I touched the dance's penis more in the last three minutes than I've touched my husband's in the last three years!"
  • "I may be old, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun with you all night long!

    A lady in her forties sat next to her mother and said this:
  • "Mom, quit doing that to him! You're embarrassing me!"
Parties like these are rare, considering most of my clientele are girls in their twenties. Nonetheless, I had a good time, and they tipped me well above the average mark.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Political Candidate's Past as a Male Stripper

Former-Democratic Candidate for Arkansas lieutenant governor once went by the name of "Metro Express"

John Burkhalter campaigning with his family

Although he doesn't look like it now, John Burkhalter used to strip for ladies on the side. Apparently, this little fact did not stop him from running for political office. He lost against Republican candidate, Tim Griffin, but at least the media blast him for his salacious past.

Read the whole story here.
Apparently, stripping doesn't quite hurt your political chances so much. So there's no need to be discouraged for you strippers who plan to run for office one day.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Rally From Disaster

The following story is a chapter from my book, "Behind the G-String: Dion's Guide to Becoming a Male Stripper"

Rally From Disaster

Nothing was going according to plan.
The bachelorette party canceled two hours before my scheduled arrival time. Apparently, the bachelorette's fiancé learned that a male stripper was going to show up and didn't take too well to the news. The bachelorette's friends thought it was wise to cancel my show to avoid the consequential fireworks show.
They notified my agent, who in turn told me. I was a little disappointed at the prospect of losing out on several hundred potential dollars, but there was nothing I could do. To salvage the scattered pieces of my planned Saturday, I decided to make the best of what was left and lift weights. 
Shortly into my workout, the girls called me again to reschedule. The bachelorette had discovered that her surprise was a male stripper and insisted on having one despite her fiancĂ©’s wishes. I scurried about to get ready.
Over the phone, Hana, the girl who hired me, sounded hell bent on a night of decadence and perversions. She requested a police costume with handcuffs. She also said that the girls never seen a male stripper before so they didn't know what to expect. I suggested that the girls and I could take body shots off of each other, followed by a game of eating sliced strawberries off random body parts. Hana loved the idea, saying that the party was going to be “wild.”
"By the way, you're in for a treat," Hana said. "We're all really cute." 
Everything sounded great so far. 
I arrived at Hana's location almost on time, which was a miracle considering they’d changed their minds last minute. The girls had rented a three-story beach condo in Destin, Florida with a great view of the sugar-white sand and the ocean.
Hana met me outside and paid me two-hundred and fifty dollars. I gave her a small boombox and followed her into the house. As I changed into my police costume, I heard the music blare from my boombox upstairs and the cheers of half a dozen drunken girls. They seemed ready.
I went upstairs and started my routine.
The bachelorette wore a white veil and sat apart from the other girls in an armchair. I told her that she was in big trouble and proceeded to handcuff her, which was met with a resounding cheer from her friends. I sat her back down in the chair and began to strip. My police shirt came off first, then my pants.
Then the atmosphere of the room turned glum.
It started when the bachelorette shirked away, demanding that I lavish my attention towards another girl. I tried to finish my strip show in front of the bachelorette, but she shook her head and looked away, frantically jerking her head towards a girl sitting on a nearby couch. "Get her!"
Seeing no sense in pushing my luck against an unwilling participant, I sauntered over to the girl on the couch, who responded by getting up and bolting out of the room.
The bachelorette pointed to another girl in the kitchen, so I went after her. The girl in the kitchen began backing away, making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. "Get the bride," she said, backing into the hallway. "It's her party."
"Yeah, get the bride," another girl said.
However, the bride shook her head.
"Come on, what are you doing?" Hana cried. "Show us some moves. Do something fun! This sucks so far."
The thread unraveled, causing the whole tapestry of the party to fall apart. No girl wanted to get near me, and without an interactive audience, there was no way for me to continue my performance.
To make matters worse, Hana began to heckle me.
"I paid two-hundred and fifty dollars for you," she said. "And I'm not feelin' it. I'm definitely not gettin' my money's worth."
So much for my initial presumption of this crowd. It was far from “wild.” No one wanted to do body shots, and my idea of extracting strawberries was out of the question. I tried to dance with the other girls with one last feeble attempt stop the inevitable destruction, but they all ran away. Then I danced alone with the hopes that the girls would be content with just watching. They weren’t.
"Is this your first time doing this?" one girl asked in a derisive tone.
 Hana threw a banana at me, hitting me in the chest.
"Do something with that," she said.
I stopped what I was doing and shot a stern look at her. "Don't throw shit at me," I said.
"Then, do something!" she said. "Show us some moves! Pick up a dollar with your butt cheeks. I paid a lot of money for you and so far, I'm not impressed."
By now, the thread of this party unraveled almost to the point of where no amount of sewing could stitch it back together again. Early on in my career, I would have ended the party right then and there since I had already collected the money. That was then though.
I had a new tactic. Instead of scrambling to mend the fabric myself, I decided to hand the thread and the needle over to Hana as though she bore the responsibility of fixing everything. 
"Listen," I said, walking up to her. "I don't know what idea you have of male stripping, but I'm not here to do backflips or tricks with bananas. The amount of fun y'all are gonna have depends on participation. You gotta meet me halfway, and right now, I'm in the middle and y'all aren't doing anything to meet me."
I may have sounded harsh because Hana stared at me in shock. I did not care at this point though. The awkwardness was too suffocating to spend another minute wallowing in ridicule and shame. To my surprise though, Hana asked in earnest, "So do women at your other parties participate more?"
"Yeah," I said. "They play along and everyone has fun. I’ve done hundreds of these parties, so I’m tellin’ ya from experience. If everyone is running and not participating, then we're both gonna be bored. I'm not trying to be rude, but I really want y'all to have a good time."
A brunette girl stepped forward. "Here, I'll join in," she said. "What do you want me to do?"
Her sudden compliance was unexpected, but this was something I could work with. "We can do this," I said, placing my hands underneath her arms and lifting her up.
"What's going on?!" she said, eyes bulging.
"Act like you're riding a stallion," I smiled. "Relax---I'm not gonna bite."
It took her awhile to comprehend what was going on, but the brunette finally wrapped her arms around my neck and legs around my hips. After she jostled awhile from my bucking motion, she let go of her arms, leaving me to shoulder most of her weight. She leaned back, smiling and relaxing. The other girls watched in silence at first, then began to cheer. I could see Hana talking to her friends in the background as I humped the brunette from my standing position. 
Once I set her down, another volunteer came forward with a wad of dollar bills in her bra. I placed her onto the couch, straddled her, and buried my face into her cleavage to get the money out. Someone turned off the lights at this point, and the girls were chanting their approval. The girl underneath me seemed stiff and nervous at first, but she wrapped her arms around me while I licked the area around her breasts. Once I was done with her, another girl came forward.
"Unzip the back of my dress," said the newcomer.
I did so. It was a black and white one-piece dress. The zipper came halfway down the dress, and once unzipped, the girl was able to pull the straps off her shoulders. It fell to the floor revealing a slender form clad in only bra and a thong. Her bra bulged with money. I licked all around her breasts, much to the delight of her friends.
Soon, everyone was chanting my name: "Di-on! Di-on! Di-on!" 
The bachelorette went next. I took my physical exchange with her to a lesser extent than the others, but she decided to venture some mischief of her own by lifting up her dress to allow me to take the money sticking out of her underwear. 
Hana came forward with her dress lifted as well, exposing her white-laced panties with dollar bills protruding from the sides. I deposited her onto the couch and rubbed myself against her, simulating sex in the missionary position. The girls were screaming at this point. All trace of tension in the air was gone, replaced by a euphoria. I felt like I could do almost anything at this point.
"It's feeling wet down there," I joked to Hana, "and I don't see you sweating."
Shrieks of laughter filled the room. Hana yelped in a mixture of mirth and embarrassment.
After Hana, another girl with money in her panties came forward. I licked her ass cheek, her inner thighs, before taking the money.
Next, I took body shots of Crown Royal whiskey off of most of the girls' midsections. They were all beautiful and in good shape, and I was having as much fun as the girls were. After a few shots, we brought out the sliced strawberries, which were placed into the participant's mouth to where I would extract it with my mouth after taking a body shot from her abs. The girls said that this game was their favorite.
While I was about to take a body shot, one girl approached me from behind, lifted up her dress and pulled the dress down over my face, pressing her pussy against me.
The debauchery continued and during the midst of it all, Hana asked how much the party had improved.
"I'd give y'all an 'A+' right about now," I said.
"Wanna see my boobs?" she asked.
Before I could answer, she lowered the front of her dress, revealing her pleasant C cups.
"You like 'em?" she asked. 
"They're very nice."
“Suck on them,” she demanded.
I happily obliged, taking in a mouthful of her right breast. The other women roared in approval. Hana began to breathe deep and slow. I showed an equal amount of attention to her other breast as well.
“I bet you love this,” Hana said.
“Just a little,” I replied.
“Only a little?” Hana asked.
“A little too much.”
Everyone laughed. Someone commented about how my job was the ultimate gig for a guy.
"You'll like Mindy's boobs then," Hana said. "She just got fake ones. Mindy, show him your boobs."
Mindy was a blonde girl in a gray dress. Her breasts very large, round, and she held them in both of her hands for the whole room to see. Most of the other girls mimicked Mindy and Hana, lowering their tops and showing me their breasts.
During the midst of the impromptu exhibition, one of the girls in the background announced that their taxi would arrive soon. They planned to hit the clubs. It was time for me to end the party and collect my stuff.
"Give Dion a round of applause, everyone!" Hana announced.
Everyone in the room clapped their hands and cheered and I extended an arm and gave a flourishing bow.
Hana came up to me and said, "We had a great time. Sorry we sucked at first, but we kicked ass in the end, didn't we?"
"You did! I'm glad y'all had a good time, and I had a great time as well. That's what it's all about."
Then, Mindy came up to me and wrapped her arms around me and leaned on me with the lack of grace equal to her level of drunkenness. "Dion, you're a very handsome guy with a great body and a good personality. If I weren't engaged to such a wonderful man, I'd love to be with someone like you."
Some girls looked at each other in alarm and confusion. A few smirked. I guessed that Mindy was normally more reserved and conservative. Now she was drunk and horny.
I approached and thanked each girl individually. They told me nice things, and some apologized for "being stiff at first."
Before leaving, I asked if I could go out on the balcony to look at the beach scenery. I made a habit of enjoying the ocean views of the beach condos and hotels whenever I visited Destin, Florida or Gulf Shores, Alabama.
"Sure, go ahead," one girl said.
I went outside. The sound of the waves and the wind greeted me. The water reflected the moonlight. Mindy was out there, lounging in a chair with a glass of wine. She invited me to sit with her. I pulled up a chair.
"How did you get into this profession?" she asked.
I told her how I started in college and branched out from there. I told her about the various jobs I had and the places I lived. I then asked Mindy about her life. According to her, she was twenty-four years old, came from a wealthy family, was a multimillionaire, and a "right-wing, God-fearing Christian." She said that she was thankful that she was blessed with a good life and beauty.
I couldn't argue with her. She was beautiful and wealthy. A convenient combination. "If you weren't taken, I'd ask you out right now," I told her.
Mindy turned towards me and placed her hand on my arm and left it there. "Well now, I'm sure we'd make a hot couple. I don't know if blondes are your type."
One of the girls flipped on the outdoor balcony lights, interrupting us. Mindy did not seem eager to go, but I figured by the restless activity inside that the girls were ready to go out.
"Don't feel like you have to rush," Mindy said. "You can stay longer. Don't worry about them."
I could have, but it was time to leave. I had a lot of things to do the next day.
On the way out, Hana gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "So were we awesome?"
"Absolutely!" I told her. "And very hot."
She, along with several other girls, smiled upon hearing that. They insisted on booking me again in the future, promising to be even “crazier” next time. We all said our good-byes.

Once I got into my car, I breathed a sigh of relief. That whole incident could have gone the opposite direction and made it one of the worst parties of my career. It amazed me how a little explanation changed the whole dynamic of everyone’s attitude. I was glad I didn’t give up on them.  

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Cowboys Only

February 07, 2015
Biloxi, Mississippi
Hard Rock Casino

Originally, my agent booked a bachelorette party for me in Biloxi on Friday, February 6, but I had too many other work-related and home-related errands to attend, so I had to turn it down.

"No problem," he said. "I'll get somebody else."

Saturday came. My agent sent me a text message about Biloxi again, asking if I could do it.

"Sure," I replied. "Same group as yesterday?"

"Yep," he said. "Be sure to wear a cowboy costume or they'll turn you away."

No problem, I thought. Apparently, the notion of "being turned away" had a back story. Towards the end of my performance, one of the girls told me that they turned away another male stripper on the previous night.

This information intrigued me, so I asked for details.

"Well, he was kind of a douche," she said. "And he didn't have a cowboy costume. He didn't think it was a big deal either. So we turned him away. Like how hard is it to get a cowboy costume?"

My first costume was the cowboy outfit. It's the easiest to assemble, so that other male stripper had no excuse. He basically threw this show away that I practically gave him when I turned it down the first time, and I just happened to come along and pick up where he left off.

Overall, the show played out great despite my energy levels being low from a difficult week of work at my full-time job. The girls tipped me generously and treated me very well.

Moral of the story: Always wear the requested costume!