Sunday, November 29, 2015

A Scandalous Affair - Part One

Quite some time ago, I stripped for a bachelorette party at the beach at night. For some reason, they could not have a stripper at their condo because their landlord had a “no parties” rule. The condos resided inside a gated community with private security guards enforcing the rules around the clock, so any attempts at partying were likely to be foiled.
There was no rule against having a male stripper on the private beach, however.
The customer, a young tanned girl named Brittney, wanted me to act like one of the private security guards. Since there was a “no open containers” rule for the beach, I was to spring upon the unsuspecting bride as she drank and partied with her friends on the beach.
It was around 10 p.m., and about five girls were lounging around on lawn chairs, drinking and conversing. Their voices carried over the sound of the sea breeze and waves lapping against the shore. I approached them, highlighting the group with the beam of my flashlight.
Everyone turned towards me. To my surprise, two young Asian guys sat with them.
I frowned. From my experience, the presence of men is something of a wild card at these parties. You never know what to expect. Sometimes they’re easygoing and good-natured about having a male stripper around, and other times they’re jealous, insecure, and spiteful.
“Security,” I announced to the crowd. “You can’t be on the beach after nine, and you definitely can’t be drinking alcohol.”
“I’m sorry,” one of the girls said, then pointed to a girl wearing a white veil. “It’s her bachelorette party and we didn’t want to make a lot of noise at the condo.”
“Which condo are you staying at?” I demanded.
The bride stood up. “It’s okay. We’ll leave now.”
“Hold on,” I said gravely as if I were about to give her a hard time. I pulled out a speaker, which she couldn’t see in the dark. “You know you can’t have open containers out here.”
“I’m so sorry. We’ll clean up and leave.”
“Not so fast,” I said. I pressed the “play” button on the music player.
The other girls cheered.
The bride still looked confused as I began dancing, but realization soon dawned on her, and she broke out into laughter.
The two Asian men stared at me in silence as I stripped down to a thong and proceeded to hump the bride on one of the wooden lawn chairs.
After the bride, I went to the next girl, and the next. These girls were enthusiastic about having a male stripper and weren’t afraid to show it.
When I suggested body shots, the bride laid down on the lawn chair and lifted her dress. Her friend poured some vodka on her midsection, and I lapped it up.
The girls wanted more.
“Show him your boobs,” one blonde said, attempting to pull the bride’s top down.
The bride swatted her friend’s hand away. “Stop! You show him yours!”
“Okay!” the blonde said, sitting down next to the bride. She lowered the strap of her dress and pushed her tits together.
The Asian guys peered up in interest, but they could only see the blonde’s back.
I later learned that these guys weren’t part of the group. They were walking along the beach when they stumbled upon the group of girls and decided to hang out, drink, and perhaps get lucky with one of them. I could only imagine their surprise upon having a male stripper interrupt their fun.
I knelt before the blonde and took one her nipples into my mouth. She moaned. The other girls cheered. I heard nothing from the guys.
After a few minutes of having my face buried in the blonde’s chest, another girl wanted a turn doing the exact same thing, so I sucked on her breasts as well. During the midst of all this, I vaguely remember several hands pulling the strap of my thong to slip in a few tip dollars.
Next I took fireball shots from the bride’s midsection. The girls screamed in delight. Luckily, we were a good distance from the condos, because the neighbors would’ve made a noise complaint by now.
Every girl had a turn with me except Brittney. The other girls tried to get her to join, but she lingered around the Asian guys and refused to get involved.
I decided to end the show when two additional men came strolling towards our group. The favorable girl to guy ratio enticed them, but they probably hadn’t noticed me wearing a thong yet.
Despite the new arrivals, two of the girls still surrounded me as I tried to get dress.
The blonde, who introduced herself as Jen, reached down to massage the contour of my cock. “Don’t get dressed yet – I wanna see it!” she said.
“Yeah, show us,” another girl said.
Without waiting for a response, Jen pulled down the front of my thong.
I quickly pulled it back up, and looked back at the newcomers, who were now talking to Brittney and the bride. “Not now,” I said. “There’s a bunch of guys here.”
“So?” Jen said.
“So I’m not fond of the idea of showing them my cock.”
“If they don’t like it, they can look away,” Jen said, reaching down again to massage me.
This was the first time a girl tried to jerk me off in front of a group of strangers on a beach, and I wasn’t exactly sure what to do. A part of me enjoyed her attention and wanted her to continue, but I was hesitant.
Eventually the swarm of mosquitoes and various insects interrupted everyone’s revelry. Being almost naked, I already had a lot of bites. The other girls suffered almost as much. We decided to leave the beach.
The two surfer guys continued their stroll down the beach, while the two Asian guys followed me and the girls back. I learned that they were staying in neighboring condos.
“You look kind of Asian,” one of the guys said.
“I’m half,” I replied.
“That’s awesome, man! Do you think I could become a stripper? I work out a lot and all. Your job looks really fun.”
I’m sure it did, considering he witnessed me sucking on breasts, getting a brief handjob, not to mention what else may follow. I told him a few of the basic requirements of being a male stripper, such as being in shape and having costumes.
As we neared the condos, the girls hugged me and thanked me. Jen asked if I wanted to go out to the club with them.
“I can’t,” I smiled. “I have work my day job in the morning.”
“Call in sick.”
“Can’t do that. Not at the last minute.”
“Awwww… Can you want to hang out with us before we go back to Missouri?”
“Maybe. I’ll check my schedule and see.”
We exchanged phone numbers.
“I’ll send you some pics, too!” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the club with us?”
Brittney, who was aloof throughout the party, hooked her arm into mine and pulled me aside. “You should probably go. I want to get these drunk bitches to bed and they’re trying to use you as an excuse to go to club.”
I agreed. I had work in the morning anyway and was already not going to get much sleep.
“Thanks again,” Brittney said in a distant tone.
That was not the last time I would see these girls.

To be continued in part two...

Monday, November 23, 2015

Year in Review: 2015

Although it's not quite the end of the year yet, I don't foresee too many stripping gigs with the upcoming holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Girls tend to spend time with their families this time of year, rather than throw bachelorette parties in the cold. With that said, this year turned out to be the best fiscal year of my male stripping career.

I'm not going to post the exact amount, but I nearly doubled what I made in 2014. On top of that, I still turned down about 30 percent of gig offers, too.

In case you're wondering, I made a spreadsheet of each party, the date, location, and the amount I earned, tips included. This helps me to track and compare the peak times, and allows me to ensure that I'm free on certain weekends to do these parties.

This success caused a few drawbacks. One being the lack of party logs. With my full-time job, most of my free time was spent either at the gym, or working these bachelorette parties. I no longer had the time to sit down to write about the highlights of each party (and there were some wild ones, too!).

But who am I to complain?

I attribute this sudden influx of work to beating out the local competition. That was mostly due to their screw-ups instead of any vast improvements on my part.  Now I usually get first dibs on any party, unless the customers specifically request a black or Hispanic guy (then he gets first dibs!).

This good fortune won't last forever. I'm getting older and this job does wear on the body. Someone younger and better will replace me in my area. It's just a matter of time.

Until then, I'm looking forward to 2016 and the prospective earnings it will bring.

You guys can keep checking in, as I plan to post more information about the stripping industry, along with candid stories.

Friday, November 20, 2015

The Redneck Biker Costume

Here's an e-mail a little while back from a male stripper asking for advice:

Hey man, I don't know how old your site is but I saw it and figured you may be the only person who could actually help me. My name is Hunter I work for a club in Richmond Virginia as a male exotic entertainer (commission based all tips, no payroll). I work with a bunch of other guys covering all genres girls could like (soldier, Gangster, Cowboy, extreme dancing skills guy, tattoos/badass, 2 black guys, and then there's me and my theme they labeled me with is Construction and I also have a doctor act) 
My question is where my actual theme could lie. By nature I am nowhere near a doctor status, and I'm really too skinny to be a hard working construction man. I am currently the tallest member of the group and that's actually why I was originally hired, but it's a tall lean build (6'5" and 190 lbs). My biggest problem is trying to find my niche within the group. Everyone says you can't be the same as another dancer which sucks because I am far more country than the cowboy guy will ever know in his lifetime and so currently I've been trying to pull off a redneck biker (motorcycle/Harley Davidson rider with a country twist where I dance to classic rock and country blended) it works to some degree but as soon as girls hear "country boy" about cowboy they flip out and won't hear about anyone else being country or redneck which leads me wondering what the heck I can do now. 
Last night we had a show and Cowboy went first and sold his hot seat for $300. I was second on the lineup and stand 6 inches taller than the cowboy guy and most of the other guys and the DJ said redneck biker and I sold my seat for $30 it was depressing as hell. I know it's a lot to read but pleaseee I need some guidance on what I can possibly do. I started being the most awkward dancer of them all but over the course of 8 months I have more improving and progress than nearly anyone and I have a pushing drive in life so I'm not going to give up, but I need to figure out how to stand out from everyone else.  Thanks for your time. 

My Response:

Hi Hunter,

One thing you need to know about male stripper costumes is that women love men with good jobs. That's why they request male strippers to dress as cops, firefighters, military, doctors, or in business suits. Next comes the rugged themes like construction worker or cowboy -- once again they're associated with jobs, albeit more along the blue collar line.

The main exception to this rule would fall in the "bad boy" category, such as the gangsta outfit or a guy covered in tattoos. Even then, women as a whole still prefer the job-themed costumes.

That's one reason why your "redneck biker" fails. Women don't fantasize about rednecks or bikers. The term "redneck" itself often draws a negative connotation, and most people think of bikers as old and overweight.

Respect the audience's tastes. Be their ideal fantasy man. If the other main themes are taken, then wear a business suit and be a lawyer. Even the Fifty Shades theme would fly.

The other point I'd like to cover is your frame. If you're 6'5" and weigh 190 lbs., then you're a little on the lean side. It wouldn't hurt you to pad those muscles up. This may be hurting you as much as the costume theme.

One thing that I suggest you not do is compare yourself to other dancers. You're always going to be miserable if you try to stack yourself up to them. Each guy has his unique look and act. As you said, you just need to find your niche. You can start by ridding yourself of the redneck biker persona.

Good luck and keep trying.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Smelled Awful

In a follow-up to my previous post on hygiene, I came across this picture on Instagram that perfectly reinforces my point:

The caption read, "Don't let the picture fool you we were all actually terrified. #malestripper #hideous #scarred #smelledawful

In the comments, one of the girls even told the guy that he stinks. It's evident in this photo, considering that all of the girls are keeping their distance from him. Really. NONE OF THEM are making physical contact with him, with the exception of his hand touching one girl's leg, and notice how even that leg seems to want to move away to escape his touch.

That's pretty bad.

Girls often drape themselves on the male stripper when it comes time for pictures like these.

This guy had other issues besides smelling bad, but out of everything, his hygiene hurt him the most.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015


The following is from Chapter 9 of "Behind the G-String: Dion's Guide to Becoming a Male Stripper," which is available on Amazon.


Hygiene will make or break a male stripper. You can have a handsome face, a ripped and muscular body, great dancing skills, and an alluring stage presence, but all of those traits will be for naught if your hygiene is shit. A smelly stripper doesn't get tips.

Whenever you hear “You smell good!” from a customer, you’re doing something right. To hear such a compliment is a result of customer satisfaction and possibly a sign of attraction.

When it comes to hygiene though, we are not all created equal. Some of us naturally smell better than others. Unfortunately, it is difficult to determine whether you stink or not, because you become accustomed to your own stench after time.

My advice on hygiene not only applies towards the field of male stripping, but also towards dating and going out as well. A pungent odor will fizzle out a girl’s attraction just as quickly as douchebag commentary.

Therefore, here are ways to determine whether you stink:

Smell your dirty clothes after removing them. Set them aside and take a shower. After some time has passed, pick them up and smell them, especially in the areas where you sweat the most, such as the pits. his is the odor people smell on you.

Sweating profusely. People who sweat easily tend to stink more. Antiperspirants can alleviate this problem.

Your diet. You are what you eat. Some foods make you stink more than others. High protein and low carb diets can make your sweat smell like ammonia.

Lick your wrist and wait ten seconds before sniffing it. This determines whether your breath stinks. This odor is what other people smell when you speak close enough to them or make out with them.

Ask someone you trust. Reassure them that you want an honest assessment, not something to placate your ego.

If you smelled a horrible odor after performing one or several of the tests above, I have several steps for you to take to ensure that you smell decent before going out. Remember, if the ladies can’t stand your stench, then you probably won’t be making much money.

Step 1: Diet

Your diet and health habits determine how you smell. If you consume onions, garlic, beer, and red meat, you can bet on those odors seeping out of your pores, and people in your vicinity will not find it pleasant.

Avoid excessive amount of (keep in mind that I said “excessive”): onions, garlic, red meat, spices, beer, and soy products.

Foods that improve your smell: citrus fruits, watermelon, bananas, spinach, and nuts (high in zinc).

Step 2: Your Environment

Ever been inside a smoker's house that owns a lot of cats? That person and their house will smell like a mix between cigarette smoke and cat piss and shit combined. However, he or she will not even notice the smell. Just because you can ignore the smell doesn’t mean that your customers can.

My advice: Avoid having too many pets because their odor rubs off on you. Don’t smoke. We non-smokers can smell that shit on you from a stone’s throw away. The same goes for you potheads—don’t smoke before a performance. Clean your house thoroughly and frequently by vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, and washing your sheets. Dust and other airborne particles can seep into your clothing, making you smell as musty as your dirty house.

Also, wash your clothes. Don’t wear dirty clothes to a performance.

Step 3: Showering

Shower or bathe thoroughly before the event. Use a loofah sponge with soap or body wash to scrub your skin. Your target areas should be your face, neck, crotch, pits, chest, abs, and ass. Why? Because those parts of your body will be in close proximity to your customer, so you definitely want them smelling good.

Clean your belly button. Any nurse will tell you that the belly button can be a nasty place. When you let women take body shots from your abs, the last thing you want is a gross belly button.

If you plan to take off your shoes, make sure you really wash those feet. You might want to consider getting a pedicure. Not only do nail salons trim your toenails well, but they also clean your feet and toenails of dirt, dead skin, and bad odor. Plus, you get a foot massage on top of it all!

One more thing. If you take a shit before a party, make sure to shower and wash your ass afterwards. There are women who will stick their fingers in your ass-crack. Don't let customers pick your G-string from a dingleberry bush.

Step 4: Fragrances 

You can enhance the smell of your body by adding cologne, body spray, scented moisturizer, and deodorant. If you have a rank natural body odor, I highly recommend using fragrances after a shower to mask your stinky self. Don't overdo it. A lot of people are sensitive to smells, and there is nothing more repulsive than a guy wrapped in a fog cloud of cologne.

Here’s what I do: First, I apply scented moisturizer (sometimes a vanilla or cinnamon scent) to my legs, arms, chest, back, ass, and crotch area. Don’t rub scented moisturizer on your dick—it really burns (I say this from experience because I tried masturbating with it before). Scented oils also work well. Just don’t use baby oil because of its particular smell. Next, I spray either body spray or cologne around various parts of my body. One spray of cologne around your head and torso area should be sufficient. Spray some on your ass if you like as well. Last, use deodorant so your pits don’t gas people to death when you raise your arms overhead.

Ensure that your clothes smell good when you put them on, otherwise you’ll offset your shower and fragrances.

Step 5: Oral Hygiene

Halitosis is enemy. The last thing you want is for women to back away from your bad breath while you’re talking.

Solution: Brush your teeth and your tongue. The tongue is the most common source of bad breath, especially on the posterior dorsum (the back part of your tongue). After brushing your tongue, gargle with mouthwash. This allows the mouthwash to reach the back parts of your mouth where the odor comes from. Don’t forget to floss as well. Having food in your teeth isn't very sexy.


You can sneak poor hygiene habits past an employer during the hiring process, but you can’t fool the customers. If you really smell, they will complain and you’ll find yourself getting less work or even fired. Good hygiene shows the general public that you take care of yourself.

Those of you who naturally smell worse than average have an uphill battle with odor. You need to focus that much harder on keeping yourself clean and smelling nice. When in doubt, carry an extra pair of clothes to change into when you sweat along with some wipes and fragrances. Bring along a backpack filled with clothes, cologne, deodorant, a toothbrush with toothpaste, floss, and even a washcloth. These things come in handy when you have three or four consecutive shows and need to freshen up in between gigs.

So remember: Your job is to produce an image of the fantasy man that women want, and excellent hygiene is part of that image.