Clothespins

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Yesterday marked my first show of 2014, meaning that winter is over, at least where I'm at in the Deep South.

I had last minute birthday party of five girls, all military. I must say that I love military girls. Every single time I have a party of them, they participate with unabashed enthusiasm, treat me with adoration, and tip me generously. This time was no exception.

They were first timers, according to the customer, Stephanie. So I guided her through a sample routine of things to do with a male stripper. One of things I mentioned was to "pin" dollar bills on the birthday girl. I also suggested doing body shots and using strawberries as a prop too. Stephanie wanted me to show up as a cop and "scare" the birthday girl, Kate.

Everything went as planned. I showed up as a cop and entered a living room with every girl except Kate, who was hiding in the bedroom. She was terrified that she was in trouble. When I started berating everyone for being loud, she meekly apologized. She was still unaware that I was a stripper even when all of her friends laughed. She wore a round button pin on her dress that read "Birthday Girl." It rested just above her breast. I grabbed the pin, touching her breast, under the pretense of reading it. Kate did not object.

When I grabbed her shoulders and began dancing with her, she seemed astonished, and wondered aloud why a cop was dancing with her. Then realization hit her. She let out a brief shriek and said, "OH MY GOD! A STRIPPER!"

Her friends loved it. They cheered as I danced and stripped for Kate. She relaxed and embraced me, and fondled my muscles.

The other girls brought out wads of dollar bills... And clothespins.

Kate was confused. So was I. What were the clothespins for?

Stephanie said, "I got the clothespins you wanted." She picked up a clothespin and used it to pin a dollar to Kate's dress. The rest of her friends mimicked her. Soon, Kate had a lot of dollars tacked onto her, resembling ornaments on a Christmas tree.

I stifled a laughter and carried on with my routine. I gave Kate my male stripper version of a lapdance, which was placing her in the missionary position and humping her. While I did this, her dress slid up to her waste, exposing her mesh, yellow underwear. I put a strawberry in her mouth, and took it out, a brief kiss ensuing.

The rest of the crowd was very receptive and expressed great joy with my act. The girls continued to use clothespins, tacking dollar bills whoever's turn it was to interact with me.

I stopped the show for a bit, smiled, and kindly explained to Stephanie that I was metaphorically speaking when I suggested that she "pin" the dollar bills to someone. I never expected her to take it in the literal sense. Once I finished my explanation, everyone broke out into a loud fit of laughter.

"I guess y'all have a code word for a male stripper now," I said. "It's clothespins."

They loved that.

"I guess we'll have to get some clothespins for the next birthday party and keep it secret," Stephanie said. "Here Dion. Take one home as a souvenir to remember us by."

My customers had given me a lot of gifts over the years, such as penis straws, condoms, and flower leis. I smiled and accepted the clothespin, tucking it safely away into my police shirt pocket. A unique memento to remember them by.