Party Log: May 31, 2014

Birthday Party

Panama City Beach


The customer was a 16-year-old girl. I did not realize that even when I met her (my agent didn't know either). She looked like a college girl, and she was well-spoken enough to sound beyond her years. She was tall, nearly my height, blonde, a little sunburned, and her mannerisms displayed a well-to-do upbringing. I'll refer to her as "Jeanie" from here.

Jeanie's mother was turning 46 years old, and it was family tradition to have strange surprises for birthdays in Jeanie's family. Last year, the family got someone in a gorilla suit to burst into her mother's bedroom and pull her out of bed. This year, Jeanie was hiring me to strip for her. Fortunately, the mother's best friend was the one who paid for me and authorized Jeanie to find my company on the internet.

Another strange thing about this party was the location, which was Panama City Beach, right on the damn beach. That meant there were families lounging about, kids throwing footballs to each other, and swimmers in the water. Jeanie requested that I strip with all of those people in the background. I must admit, I felt a little hesitant to perform. How is Ma ad Pa going to explain to Little Johnny what that almost naked man was doing with those giggling women?

Jeanie and I talked about the whole public performance beforehand. She said that her family was there, including a girl who was 12 years old, so I needed to set the tone of my performance to a mild level like I was performing for an 85-year-old woman. That meant barring thongs, excessive grinding, and humping. Basically, she just wanted to "surprise" her mom. So I was to strip down to a full-back type of underwear that resembled a Speedo. I dressed in a t-shirt and regular surfboard shorts to give the impression that I was a normal beach goer. I also wore sunglasses because the beaches in Florida tend to be bright at this time of year.

A great location to strip if you're working on a tan.

When I arrived and met Jeanie, she pointed out where her mother was at the beach, sitting on a lawn chair next to her best friend under a blue umbrella. We formulated a plan on my reason for approaching her mother, which is required for any male stripper wanting to surprise a birthday girl or bachelorette. The approach itself is an art form. A male stripper cannot merely march up to someone out of the blue and start stripping. That lacks grace and ruins the suspense of the surprise.

So here was our plan: I would walk by the blue umbrella and lawn chairs where her mother was. Jeanie would stand near her mother and wave at me, and I would come up to talk to Jeanie like I was flirting with her. Jeanie would explain that we met earlier along the beach and talked. Then she would announce that it was her mother's birthday. Next, I would introduce the surprise birthday present and start stripping. Keep in mind that I still thought Jeanie was a college girl, otherwise I wouldn't have concocted a plan that I was trying to pick up on her.

Jeanie paid me and I took a walk along the beach. I walked past the blue umbrella where Jeanie and her family was, and Jeanie waved at me. I saw her mother and best friend lounging under the umbrella. Several very young girls--preteens to teens--hovered in the background watching me and smiling. Everything else went according to plan. I talked to Jeanie, then introduced myself to her mother. I had a cell phone hooked up to a mini-speaker, which I turned on to Nelly's "Hot in Here" once I announced the surprise birthday present.

The mother laughed and covered her face. The best friend jumped up and bolted, cackling like a gleeful demon whose diabolic plan succeeded. The other girls backed up, pulled out their cell phones, and took pictures. I set the cell phone and speaker down on the lounge chair next to the mother's leg because I didn't want beach sand getting all over them.

"Good idea," the mother said. "Let me set down my beer."

I pulled off my t-shirt, then dropped my board shirts, exposing my shimmering blue bikini-briefs. The girls in the background cheered. I saw in the distance several people stopping what they were doing to gawk. I climbed atop the mother to dance over her, slightly ducking to avoid hitting the underbelly of the umbrella with my head. After a few moments, the mother suggested I get her best friend.

I left the confines of the umbrella and walked toward the group of girls where the best friend was. She shook her head and said, "No, I'm the one who paid you. Go back and dance for the birthday lady!"

The mother then pointed to her 16-year-old daughter. She flashed a nervous smile and froze. I did not pursue, because she had the look on her face that she was about to piss herself. I decided to end the performance and suggested some group photos, which everyone happily agreed to do.

In the background, I noticed that our antics drew some attention. Many people were taking surreptitious glances at us, and I figured that me and girls made quite a spectacle. The sight of a muscular guy in a Speedo surrounded by a group of blonde girls posing with him seemed a little out of the ordinary.

I stayed about twenty minutes to talk to the mother and her best friend. That was when I discovered that Jeanie was 16 years old.

"Holy shit," I whispered to her mother. "I wouldn't have made that plan to flirt with your daughter had I known she was still in high school. I'm twice her age!"

"It's quite all right," she said, laughing. "You look really young and I was the one who told you to dance with her"

"Yeah, she had my permission to hire you so it's definitely okay in this case," the mother's best friend said.

The ladies offered me a drink from their cooler and asked me many questions about the job. I told them several stories, keeping all of them "PG" rated due to the presence of the teenagers and the 12-year-old girl. I shared the time I stripped on a movie set for Ambyr Childers in Bruce Willis's upcoming film, "Vice." The girls really liked that story, and asked me questions about the movie set, and if I met Bruce Willis. I also told them about the time I went to a birthday dressed as a cop, and a neighborhood boy came up to me wanting to file a police report for a stolen bicycle.

While I was talking to the two older ladies, I saw Jeanie out of the corner of my eye staring at me up and down. She couldn't see that I was looking at her because I was wearing sunglasses, otherwise she might not have been so obvious. Her hungry gaze went up and down my body, languishing on my muscles, and lingering the most on my crotch. When she did join in the conversation, I was under the impression that she had a crush on me.

Jeanie struck me as the Valedictorian type of girl who was prom-queen material. I wouldn't have been surprised if she wasn't one of the prettiest and most popular girl at her high school. She was the complete opposite of me when I was 16 years old. I was shorter back then and weighed 125 lbs. soak and wet. Not very many girls would give me a second glance. I heard more negative comments about myself than positive ones.

What was ironic is the fact that I could only fantasize about getting a girl like Jeanine when I was 16, but now at 32, I had Jeanine drooling over me like I emerged from the cover of a romance novel, and I'm too old for her.


Post script: I sent a text to my agent telling him that the girl who booked me was 16 years old. Here was his response: "Holy shit! That's a first for me and I've been doing this a long time."