Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Critiquing Applicants - Part 3

Welcome to yet another edition of "Critiquing Applicants." This time, we have several young men who think they have what it takes to appeal to crowds of eager women. Let's see how they fare:

Aleashauntea raps and strips for your party!
Male Stripper Applicant #07

Stage Name: Aleashauntea

There are some people on this planet with over-inflated egos, and there's this guy. Here's his e-mail to an agency:

My name is (removed) I a am 26 and in shape.I live in Panama city FL.I have done a little striping Web I was a young teen but nothing recently.I am of athletic build about 126 pounds and I love to dance.I am about 5'6.I have car and I have a day job. My stage name is Aleashauntea and my cell is (removed) and my email is (removed).

Aleashauntea, I have some advice for you. You'd better stick with whatever day job you're doing because there's no career for you in the exotic dancer industry.

Notice that Aleashauntea describes himself as "in shape" and having an "athletic build." He's also 5'6" and weighs 126 pounds. That's a good figure to have... if you're a college girl.

Like my professional backdrop?
Now take a look at his pictures. He included one professional pic that was probably taken in a recording studio. That's nice and all, but it has nothing to do with stripping, and it's a very dark pic that obscures the applicant's features.

My favorite pic is of Aleashauntea in the backseat of a car with a girl next to him. Imagine what was going on in this guy's mind when applying. He's wanting to show his best pictures, so he chooses the backseat of a car out of all the backdrops available to represent himself. The cropped girl is a bonus prop. Unfortunately, this photo showed off his facial profile the best. It only gets worse from here.

Now check out his selfie pic on the left. It's the only pic that shows his whole body clad in clothes in a dark and dingy house. Perhaps Aleashauntea thinks the combination of that 126 lbs. athletic build in ambient lighting must drive the ladies wild.

Then there's the stage name: Aleashauntea. For starters, it's too long and difficult to pronounce, making it impossible to remember. Hell, I developed carpal tunnel syndrome from typing that excessively long name out several times in this article. It doesn't sound very manly or cool, nor is it catchy.

Seriously, Aleashauntea needs to check himself for narcissistic personality disorder because he obviously overestimates his looks and abilities. I wonder what kind of stripping he did on the web as a teen... for NAMBLA members? I can't imagine anyone shelling out money for this guy.

There's just one thing I wonder about. Since he's so delusional about his appearance, imagine how he is with his music... It probably sucks too.

Final Verdict: REJECTED

Male Stripper Applicant #08

Stage name: Gemini

Real Name: Provided
DOB: Provided
Experience: Several clubs in New Orleans such as Rainbow Room, Corner Pocket, and Bourbon Pub.
Transportation: Yes
Stage name-Gemini
Height-6'0 ft
Cell: Provided
Costumes: 2
Email: Provided
References: Provided

On paper, Gemini looks good to go, but the pictures tell a different story. Before we judge him too much, let's analyze his work history at these clubs.

First off, my agent was already aware of the aforementioned clubs (Rainbow Room, Corner Pocket, etc.). Those clubs are gay clubs, and they are inadequate references when applying for booking agencies and male revue acts because the expectations are different with female customers versus male customers. Plus, the quality of male strippers who have worked at these clubs range from good to downright atrocious.

Some of these gay clubs aren't very picky when it comes to muscularity and showmanship.

Gemini shows off his eye liner.
The gay club dancers come in different varieties than the bachelorette party or male revue strippers. Some are very skinny and don't lift weights at all (like Gemini here), yet they can attract more customers than the typical beefcake guys. These skinny guys are referred to as "twinks" and they function quite well in the gay club setting.

On a side note, here's what one reader, Ron, said about the Corner Pocket where Gemini claimed to work: "It is basically a seedy little dive bar in the French Quarter that has been there for ages. The dancers are typically rough trade/redneck types-- according to legend, the original owner would recruit dancers by going to the Greyhound station and waiting for buses from the state penitentiary. It is a beloved local institution and a friendly place to get a drink and meet crazy characters, but it is not Chippendales!"

In Gemini's case, he may appeal to the customers who like twinks, hence his previous success in those gay clubs. However, he has no shot at any agency or male revue company unless he bulks up.

Overall, Gemini needs to stick to the gay clubs and make his money there. His body fails to justify a $200 an hour price tag for women. His pictures are too grainy and taken in poor lighting conditions. The serious expression looks creepy, especially in the dark setting. He needs to smile to look more approachable, especially when he's applying to work for female customers.

On a side note, Gemini isn't a bad stage name.

Final Verdict: REJECTED

Male Stripper Applicant #09

Stage Name: Imperial

Imperial didn't apply at my agency. Instead, he applied at an agency based in Hong Kong. He is a British Born Chinese and will be the only Asian male stripper for the agency located in Hong Kong. Believe it or not, most of the other male strippers there are white.

Imperial sent other pics with his face, but asked that I not show it due to his professional job, so that's why only the gladiator pic of him is posted.

My agent (based in the United States) also saw Imperial's pics, and said that he would hire him in an instant. Imperial has good muscularity, low body fat, and good symmetry. In this picture along with several others, he shows his legs, chest, and abs. Unlike most applicants, he doesn't hide anything.

On top of that, Imperial indicated that he understands the showmanship and customer service required for stripping, something of which many guys don't get. This guy gets it, and any agency would benefit from having him among their roster.

Final Verdict: HIRED

College Entertainers' #1 stripper
Male Stripper Applicant #10

Stage Name: Red Fire

Name: Wiley
Location: Tallahassee, Florida
Date of birth: Provided
Stripping Experience: One year at College Entertainers
Transportation: Yes
Cell phone number: Provided
E-mail: Provided
Costumes: None
Stage Name: Red Fire
Height: 6'4"

"This guy is a dumbass," my agent told me.

First, Wiley sent the above information without a picture. The stripping experience portion of it looked great, especially the part where he worked a year at "College Entertainers."

For those of you not from Florida, here's a little background about Tallahassee, Florida. In addition to being the capital of Florida, it is home to Florida State University and its football team, the Seminoles. Therefore, it's a college town with loads of students everywhere.

Wiley, being a Tallahassee local, knew of the college demographics and therefore fabricated the company with the generic name of "College Entertainers" so he'd looked more experienced. My agent knew that Wiley was full of shit, though.

"I know about most of agencies out there in Florida, and there ain't a single one of 'em called that," my agent said. "To give him a benefit of the doubt, I asked for a pic and got this shitty ass-end of a joke. No company in their right minds would ever hire this lanky greaseball. College Entertainers, my ass!"

Final Verdict: REJECTED


  1. The final selfie shot of Aleashauntea makes him look like a Haitian peasant standing in some rare structure that remained intact following the 2010 earthquake.

    1. Yeah, I'm not sure why he sent that pic to show himself off. I used to wonder why some guys used to hit on girls that were WAY out of their league. After seeing this applicants, it's obvious--these guys actually think they're a cut above the rest.

  2. Why do Some people think they can get away lying about themselves, in a job that requires people looking at you?

    1. Some people who aren't very smart believe that their lie is foolproof and easily believable, when in reality, anyone with a brain can see right through it. Wiley probably thought his lie about College Entertainers was a good one, but he's so dumb that he underestimates everyone else's intelligence in the industry.