Monday, December 29, 2014

Worst Trend of 2014: The Lumbersexual

Back when I first started stripping in college in 2003, the metrosexual was the biggest fashion fad among male students. Even South Park covered an episode about it that same year called, "South Park Is Gay!" This wasn't exactly a bad trend for male strippers. Maximus, a fellow coworker of mine, indulged in it.

Lumbersexuality: The new trend of millenials. Image courtesy of Stockrocket/Getty Images

Since then, the metrosexuals have grown older, got married, and had kids, and decided to replace fashion with comfort. Hipsters have taken their place, populating colleges, cities, and coffee shops. Now the "Lumbersexual" has arrived, which is like a more rugged version of the metrosexual and hipster, sporting a poofy beard accompanied by a plaid shirt or suspenders.

In her detailed article, "Out of the Woods: Here He Comes: The Lumbersexual," Holly Baxter refers to them as men who carefully groom themselves, especially their beards, in an attempt to mimic the rugged outdoors look. She has a point. Big bushy beards have been cropping up everywhere with the young guys who can grow them. While that's nice and all, you may want to avoid this trend, especially if you're trying to become a male stripper.

First off, some younger girls may like the bearded lumberjack or even hipster look, but there are many others who will detest it. In the world of stripping, all women are customers, therefore the man must try to be universally appealing to as many as possible. This bearded look only attracts a niche market.

Also, male strippers often have to wear costumes that depict men of uniform. Imagine the lumbersexual type dressed in a cop uniform, or firefighter, or military uniform. These professions require men to be clean-shaven. Ever seen a drill sergeant or cop with a bushy beard? Didn't think so.

Here's another problem with the lumberjack look. It falls into the category of "trying too hard." If you have to go out of your way to show off your manliness, then chances are you're not that manly. Spending extra time trimming and manicuring your beard is tantamount to the metrosexual guy who spends that much time styling his hair with gel.

While it's nice that the lumbersexual wants to look more rugged and manly than his metrosexual and hipster counterparts, there's already a group of outdoors men who have been doing that for a while now. They're called rednecks.

Here's my advice. Grow a beard only if it looks good on you, or to hide your double-chin or lack of jawline. These excessively bushy beards aren't appealing to employers. Personally, I'll keep mine shaved. The last thing I need is to give a girl's breasts carpet burn when I'm fishing a dollar out from her bra with my teeth.

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