Worst Trend of 2014: The Lumbersexual

Back when I first started stripping in college in 2003, the metrosexual was the biggest fashion fad among male students. Even South Park covered an episode about it that same year called, "South Park Is Gay!" This wasn't exactly a bad trend for male strippers. Maximus, a fellow coworker of mine, indulged in it.

Lumbersexuality: The new trend of millenials. Image courtesy of Stockrocket/Getty Images

Since then, the metrosexuals have grown older, got married, and had kids, and decided to replace fashion with comfort. Hipsters have taken their place, populating colleges, cities, and coffee shops. Now the "Lumbersexual" has arrived, which is like a more rugged version of the metrosexual and hipster, sporting a poofy beard accompanied by a plaid shirt or suspenders.

In her detailed article, "Out of the Woods: Here He Comes: The Lumbersexual," Holly Baxter refers to them as men who carefully groom themselves, especially their beards, in an attempt to mimic the rugged outdoors look. She has a point. Big bushy beards have been cropping up everywhere with the young guys who can grow them. While that's nice and all, you may want to avoid this trend, especially if you're trying to become a male stripper.

First off, some younger girls may like the bearded lumberjack or even hipster look, but there are many others who will detest it. In the world of stripping, all women are customers, therefore the man must try to be universally appealing to as many as possible. This bearded look only attracts a niche market.

Also, male strippers often have to wear costumes that depict men of uniform. Imagine the lumbersexual type dressed in a cop uniform, or firefighter, or military uniform. These professions require men to be clean-shaven. Ever seen a drill sergeant or cop with a bushy beard? Didn't think so.

Here's another problem with the lumberjack look. It falls into the category of "trying too hard." If you have to go out of your way to show off your manliness, then chances are you're not that manly. Spending extra time trimming and manicuring your beard is tantamount to the metrosexual guy who spends that much time styling his hair with gel.

While it's nice that the lumbersexual wants to look more rugged and manly than his metrosexual and hipster counterparts, there's already a group of outdoors men who have been doing that for a while now. They're called rednecks.

Here's my advice. Grow a beard only if it looks good on you, or to hide your double-chin or lack of jawline. These excessively bushy beards aren't appealing to employers. Personally, I'll keep mine shaved. The last thing I need is to give a girl's breasts carpet burn when I'm fishing a dollar out from her bra with my teeth.

Stripping: A Dishonorable Position

A high school teacher living a double life gets fired for being a male stripper on the side.

Dishonorable?

Stripping is one of those jobs that carries a negative connotation with society in general. Even though it's a booming market that will always be in demand, people associate stripping with the sex industry, many times looking down on the workers. Even male strippers earn some of the social stigma of their female counterparts, though not to such a strong degree. Therefore, it's no surprise that if you strip at some point in your life, it can come back to haunt you in the future.

Benedict Garrett was one such casualty. He lost his job as a high school teacher because his students found out that was a stripper side (read the full story: here). Garrett also worked as an adult movie star. Of course, Garrett disagreed with the notion that "porn and stripping has a negative effect on society." He further argued that other teachers aren't so perfect themselves.

He has a point. Many professional jobs would fire an employee if word got out that he or she worked as a stripper or porn star. Interestingly enough, not all profession jobs would fire an employee for having a minor criminal record. Strange, isn't it? It's better to commit a misdemeanor crime than to work in a perfectly legal occupation.

I've heard many degrading terms about male strippers. In the comments section of this blog post (click here to read), Mustang Sarah uses the terms "insecurity, narcissism, and irresponsibility" to describe all male strippers, even though her only experience with one was a guy she dated. I've even had one guy criticize me for "giving up my dignity so a bunch of whores could treat me like a piece of meat." As Garrett noted, many people feel that stripping has a negative effect on society.

Is that really the case? Do strippers, especially male strippers (for sake of this blog), really cause problems in society.

No. Negative individuals and their destructive collectivism cause problems.

For instance, I also worked as a teacher like Benedict Garrett and stripped on the side too. As a teacher, many people treated me with respect for working a noble profession. Take this article, for instance. However, I have gotten to know many teachers, and I assure you that some of them shouldn't be around children.

Several male teachers, whom I have worked with, took a very unhealthy interest in their high school students. If I had a daughter, she sure as hell wouldn't be going into their classes. One teacher has since married a female student. Another got fired for dating a former student. And another, who used to be my teacher when I was in high school, got arrested for possessing child pornography.

So are male strippers the problem here? No. Are teachers the problem? No, the bad individuals are the problem. You have bad strippers and bad teachers. They're just bad employees, and they slide through the cracks at every job.

Many male strippers are just like Benedict Garrett and myself -- they work professional jobs and strip on the side. According to one of my agents, many of his male dancers work as lawyers, teachers, firefighters, personal trainers, and bankers. The list goes on. Many of his younger male dancers are college students or guys going to into medical school. Just because they're male strippers doesn't mean they're deadbeats who with no goals in life.

Some male strippers are scumbags and fit the stereotype that Mustang Sarah alluded to, but so are some cops, teachers, politicians, priests, and doctors.  Hell, I knew a federal law enforcement agent who was the biggest liar and crook that I have ever met, and he cheated on his wife with prostitutes constantly, but his position is one that prides itself on honesty and integrity, and everyone assumed he was a good guy on first impressions based on his job. Therefore, judge an individual by his or her personality and virtues, not by status and position.

Unfortunately, many people out there still like to label themselves and others into groups, all complete with generalizations and stereotypes. It's human nature, and until humans stop being humans, you probably shouldn't list your ventures into the stripping and porn industry on your resume if you're ever planning a professional career. Mr. Garrett had some great points, but he just wasn't careful enough.

Critiquing Applicants - Part 3

Welcome to yet another edition of "Critiquing Applicants." This time, we have several young men who think they have what it takes to appeal to crowds of eager women. Let's see how they fare:

Aleashauntea raps and strips for your party!

Male Stripper Applicant #07

Stage Name: Aleashauntea

There are some people on this planet with over-inflated egos, and there's this guy. Here's his e-mail to an agency:


My name is (removed) I a am 26 and in shape.I live in Panama city FL.I have done a little striping Web I was a young teen but nothing recently.I am of athletic build about 126 pounds and I love to dance.I am about 5'6.I have car and I have a day job. My stage name is Aleashauntea and my cell is (removed) and my email is (removed).


Aleashauntea, I have some advice for you. You'd better stick with whatever day job you're doing because there's no career for you in the exotic dancer industry.

Notice that Aleashauntea describes himself as "in shape" and having an "athletic build." He's also 5'6" and weighs 126 pounds. That's a good figure to have... if you're a college girl.

Like my professional backdrop?

Now take a look at his pictures. He included one professional pic that was probably taken in a recording studio. That's nice and all, but it has nothing to do with stripping, and it's a very dark pic that obscures the applicant's features.

My favorite pic is of Aleashauntea in the backseat of a car with a girl next to him. Imagine what was going on in this guy's mind when applying. He's wanting to show his best pictures, so he chooses the backseat of a car out of all the backdrops available to represent himself. The cropped girl is a bonus prop. Unfortunately, this photo showed off his facial profile the best. It only gets worse from here.




Now check out his selfie pic on the left. It's the only pic that shows his whole body clad in clothes in a dark and dingy house. Perhaps Aleashauntea thinks the combination of that 126 lbs. athletic build in ambient lighting must drive the ladies wild.

Then there's the stage name: Aleashauntea. For starters, it's too long and difficult to pronounce, making it impossible to remember. Hell, I developed carpal tunnel syndrome from typing that excessively long name out several times in this article. It doesn't sound very manly or cool, nor is it catchy.

Seriously, Aleashauntea needs to check himself for narcissistic personality disorder because he obviously overestimates his looks and abilities. I wonder what kind of stripping he did on the web as a teen... for NAMBLA members? I can't imagine anyone shelling out money for this guy.

There's just one thing I wonder about. Since he's so delusional about his appearance, imagine how he is with his music... It probably sucks too.

Final Verdict: REJECTED



Male Stripper Applicant #08

Stage name: Gemini


Real Name: Provided
DOB: Provided
Experience: Several clubs in New Orleans such as Rainbow Room, Corner Pocket, and Bourbon Pub.
Transportation: Yes
Stage name-Gemini
Height-6'0 ft
Cell: Provided
Costumes: 2
Email: Provided
References: Provided

On paper, Gemini looks good to go, but the pictures tell a different story. Before we judge him too much, let's analyze his work history at these clubs.

First off, my agent was already aware of the aforementioned clubs (Rainbow Room, Corner Pocket, etc.). Those clubs are gay clubs, and they are inadequate references when applying for booking agencies and male revue acts because the expectations are different with female customers versus male customers. Plus, the quality of male strippers who have worked at these clubs range from good to downright atrocious.

Some of these gay clubs aren't very picky when it comes to muscularity and showmanship.

Gemini shows off his eye liner.

The gay club dancers come in different varieties than the bachelorette party or male revue strippers. Some are very skinny and don't lift weights at all (like Gemini here), yet they can attract more customers than the typical beefcake guys. These skinny guys are referred to as "twinks" and they function quite well in the gay club setting.

On a side note, here's what one reader, Ron, said about the Corner Pocket where Gemini claimed to work: "It is basically a seedy little dive bar in the French Quarter that has been there for ages. The dancers are typically rough trade/redneck types-- according to legend, the original owner would recruit dancers by going to the Greyhound station and waiting for buses from the state penitentiary. It is a beloved local institution and a friendly place to get a drink and meet crazy characters, but it is not Chippendales!"

In Gemini's case, he may appeal to the customers who like twinks, hence his previous success in those gay clubs. However, he has no shot at any agency or male revue company unless he bulks up.

Overall, Gemini needs to stick to the gay clubs and make his money there. His body fails to justify a $200 an hour price tag for women. His pictures are too grainy and taken in poor lighting conditions. The serious expression looks creepy, especially in the dark setting. He needs to smile to look more approachable, especially when he's applying to work for female customers.

On a side note, Gemini isn't a bad stage name.

Final Verdict: REJECTED




Male Stripper Applicant #09

Stage Name: Imperial

Imperial didn't apply at my agency. Instead, he applied at an agency based in Hong Kong. He is a British Born Chinese and will be the only Asian male stripper for the agency located in Hong Kong. Believe it or not, most of the other male strippers there are white.

Imperial sent other pics with his face, but asked that I not show it due to his professional job, so that's why only the gladiator pic of him is posted.

My agent (based in the United States) also saw Imperial's pics, and said that he would hire him in an instant. Imperial has good muscularity, low body fat, and good symmetry. In this picture along with several others, he shows his legs, chest, and abs. Unlike most applicants, he doesn't hide anything.

On top of that, Imperial indicated that he understands the showmanship and customer service required for stripping, something of which many guys don't get. This guy gets it, and any agency would benefit from having him among their roster.

Final Verdict: HIRED

College Entertainers' #1 stripper

Male Stripper Applicant #10

Stage Name: Red Fire


Name: Wiley
Location: Tallahassee, Florida
Date of birth: Provided
Stripping Experience: One year at College Entertainers
Transportation: Yes
Cell phone number: Provided
E-mail: Provided
Costumes: None
Stage Name: Red Fire
Height: 6'4"

"This guy is a dumbass," my agent told me.

First, Wiley sent the above information without a picture. The stripping experience portion of it looked great, especially the part where he worked a year at "College Entertainers."

For those of you not from Florida, here's a little background about Tallahassee, Florida. In addition to being the capital of Florida, it is home to Florida State University and its football team, the Seminoles. Therefore, it's a college town with loads of students everywhere.

Wiley, being a Tallahassee local, knew of the college demographics and therefore fabricated the company with the generic name of "College Entertainers" so he'd looked more experienced. My agent knew that Wiley was full of shit, though.

"I know about most of agencies out there in Florida, and there ain't a single one of 'em called that," my agent said. "To give him a benefit of the doubt, I asked for a pic and got this shitty ass-end of a joke. No company in their right minds would ever hire this lanky greaseball. College Entertainers, my ass!"

Final Verdict: REJECTED

Brides Cheating at Bachelorette Parties

Q: Dion, my fiance is having a bachelorette party, and a male stripper will be there. Should I be worried? Do brides cheat on their husbands with male strippers at bachelorette parties? If so, what percentage of them cheat?

A: First off, the male stripper isn't the problem here. The real issue is either the lack of faith you have in your fiance, or the lack of faithfulness she has towards you. You should be more worried if this woman is really the right woman for you, since you don't know if she'd sleep with a complete stranger behind your back.

Now onto answering your question.

Yes, there are brides somewhere out there who have cheated on their future husbands with a male stripper. However, the percentage of brides and male strippers hooking up is actually pretty low. The percentage of brides and random guys at a club hooking up are much higher.

Think about it.

Bachelorette parties tend to hit the clubs and bars after the male stripper performs. The girls get drunk, dance, and mingle all night long. Random men approach them, some preying on the girls' inebriated state. These guys have plenty of time to build a rapport and seal the deal.

Throwing alcohol in that mix doesn't help either. Alcohol loosens inhibitions, which causes people to make poor decisions, such as pick fights with the police or sleep with random strangers.

Now combine the club atmosphere, a group of girls from a bachelorette party, alcohol, and a bunch of horny guys, and you have a good recipe for some bad mistakes to happen.

Here's one reader's recent account of what he had witnessed at a club:

I went out last Friday and saw this beautiful bachelorette in a white short dress. She was dancing with her girlfriends then later started dancing with some dude in the middle on the dance floor. I guess she was feeling him and started making out for 2 minutes straight. Her girlfriends just watched in disbelief, then separated her from the guy and took her home. I was like, damn, if her girlfriends weren't there, she would've gotten fucked for sure.

See? That bride made out with someone at the club instead of a male stripper. Going to back to the original question, stop blaming the male stripper for suspicions of your fiance's infidelity.

Cheating stems from an innate desire to do so. If your fiance wants to sleep with another man, she's going to do it whether a male stripper is there or not. Of course, a combination of alcohol and a muscular stud present may accelerate that process, but it was a process in motion to begin with.

Rather than trying to stop this bachelorette party from happening, you should evaluate whether your future wife is the type of girl who likes to go out and do crazy things behind your back. If she does, then maybe you should reconsider marriage, because you cannot put her in a cage and control her every behavior.

Just remember: Even a caged animal has urges.