Thursday, April 3, 2014

Highlights of March, 2014 - Part 2

March 22, 2014

Orange Beach, Alabama

After my first party, I rode the elevator down to the lobby to meet the two girls from my second party. They paid me and we got on the elevator rode up together to their floor. It was strange. I felt like I was hopping from room to room, servicing the women of this condo.

Once we got to their floor, one of the girls told me that this was a quick strip only for the bachelorette, meaning I would ignore every other girl there. That was fine with me. Her group also requested the cop uniform. Usually, I wouldn't have done this, but they offered to sneak me inside their condo and into the laundry room where the bride wouldn't see me. From there, I could change and sneak back outside to knock on the door.

I changed and went back outside undetected, leaving my bag in the laundry room to change back into my normal clothes later.

I knocked on the door and pulled the noise complaint routine. I scolded the party and acted uptight like someone shoved a wooden pike up my ass and I had to carry it around all day. They other girls loved it. The bachelorette was horrified and asked what she could do to fix everything.

"Quit making so much damn noise!" I snarled at her.

Then the music started along with my dancing.

The bachelorette screamed in surprise, hugged me, felt my body, then looked at her friends in disbelief.

Like her friends said, I only needed to strip for a few minutes. It was a short performance. I went back to the laundry room to change, closing the door behind me. There was another door in the laundry room that lead to the main bedroom, and it was open, but I didn't think anyone would bother me.

I was wrong.

I saw a lone, tall blonde walking through the bedroom, drunkenly winding her way around furniture and the bed. She entered the laundry room and hugged me and told me that I did a great job back there. As she withdrew from her hug, her hands lingered on my abs just level with my belly button, and they were slowly going downward.

"I just wanted to tell you that you're really hot," she said in a seductive tone.

Before I could say anything, the girl who paid me knocked on the door and asked if I was dressed. I told her she could enter since I already had my pants on. The tall blonde quickly retracted her hands and took a step back. When the other girl entered, she was very surprised to see the tall blonde in the room with me alone.

There was the awkward exchange of glances between the two women. The tall blonde eventually backed away. I finished getting dressed and walked back out thank everyone.

I thought that was the end of seeing those girls.

On my way out, I stopped by one of the local clubs to see my networking possibilities. One of my booking agents sent me a whole box of his company cards. Since Gulf Shores, Alabama was a hot spot for bachelorette parties, I was toying with the idea of going into the club and passing out cards to random bachelorette parties.

I walked around for awhile. It was mainly a sausage fest. The only women there came with men. I stood around and watched one of the bands play. They weren't bad.

As I was about to leave, I noticed the tall blonde from earlier with a few of her friends. They saw me at the same time and waved at me. A few of them hugged me. When the tall blonde attempted to hug me, I felt a guy nudge me and say, "Hey, that's my girl!"

I turned and saw a shirtless guy standing face to face with me. He was swaying and his eyes were drooping and glazed over from drinking too much alcohol. "That's my girl," he repeated again, nudging me roughly.

I thought he was joking. First of all, he barely looked able to stand. Second, the tall blonde and her friends came all the way from Louisiana. I thought it was odd for a boyfriend to be present in another state, unless he followed her. His drunken stare of anger looked real though, so I said, "Relax man, I'm just saying 'hi' to everyone."

He was still angry, but my answer appeased him. I still thought he was some random drunk, so I asked the other girls if they knew him. They nodded. Then, I asked the tall blonde if the shirtless guy was her boyfriend. Even with the stage lighting, I could tell that her face flushed red with embarrassment. "Yeah," she said, looking at the ground. I was surprised, but then again, not really.

The boyfriend saw me talking to the tall blonde and got pissed off again. He got up in my face. For a second, I thought he was going to try to fight me. He gave me a menacing stare for a few long moments, or maybe he was thinking of something to say, and was so drunk that he didn't know how much time was passing. Or perhaps he really was planning on hitting me. I sized him up. From the looks of everything, I had the strength advantage. Not to mention, I was sober and he was so trashed that he was registering everything around him with at least a 2 second delay, so I would have had the advantages of speed and reaction time too.

Before he could think too much about what to do next, I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, then said, "Are you okay? You barely look like you're able to stand. You gonna be all right?"

I maintained a firm grip on his shoulder for two reasons: A) I could easily redirect his movements and counter should he decide to strike me; B) To let him know that I was anything but intimidated by him.

My words of feigned concern demonstrated that I wasn't trying to be a threat either. I understood that his pride was hurt by the way his girlfriend hugged me. He nodded and said he was fine and turned away. If he only knew what she tried to do to me in the laundry room earlier that night. I didn't need a crystal ball to foresee a lot of conflicts between him and his girlfriend.

The band started a new song. It was a rock version of Ginuwine's Pony. A girl from the second party nudged me and said I should've stripped to this song.

A few minutes later, I noticed that the girls from my first party of the night were also at the club. When I started conversing with them, the jealous boyfriend nudged me again, but this time to introduce me to a girl he knew. I guess this was his way of a peace offering, or maybe she was a distraction or a decoy so I would leave his girlfriend alone, because he sauntered off with his girlfriend after that. I didn't know what to say to the new girl, and she was just as surprised and confused as I was, so I resumed talking to the girls from the first party.

I did not stay much longer, because I came here to find bachelorette parties and pass out business cards. Unfortunately, my prospects looked slim. My two bachelorette parties were the only ones there. There was no one else to advertise to.

On my way out, I saw the boyfriend sitting at a table with the tall blonde. They looked like they were having a serious discussion. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that they were meant to be together.

#cheatinggirl, #bacheloretteparty


  1. I have a real feeling that there is more to this story! :)

    1. Well, that's most of it on my end. That girl seemed ready to try something with me in the laundry room, but the presence of the other girl deterred her (probably a good thing).

      I wonder how things turned out with them later that night. Probably took a turn for the worse.