Being Friends With Exes = Retarded

Apparently, my male-stripping profession makes me some type of relationship guru. I've received several e-mails asking what type of girls to look for and what type to avoid. Answering each one of these e-mails privately has become quite time consuming, so I'm going to post my common advice.

Some of this advice can apply to the female readers as well, unless it's otherwise obvious.

For today, I'm going to focus on the disqualifying factors for a relationship. You don't need to date someone if he or she is associated with any of the qualities below:

1.) Friends with exes (or former fuck buddies).

In this day and age, the concept of remaining friends with exes has become quite common. No wonder the divorce rate steadily climbs higher. Never ever commit to someone who's determined to remain friends with an ex. Staying friends with exes (or fuck buddies) while investing in a new relationship is both inappropriate and unfair to your new partner. I strongly advise against dating people who can't let go of their past.

2.) "I need romance (in order to have sex with you)."

Guys, if a girl ever tells you this load of bullshit, then she's just not attracted to you anymore. Therefore, she needs romance as a substitute for attraction to have sex with you. Keep this in mind: Women never need romance for one-night stands. The girl who went to the club, got drunk, and hooked up with a random stranger was just craving a dick. So if your girl has ever had a one-night stand, but demands romance out of you, then I suggest you find a different girl.

Or the flip side to this:

3.) "I watch too much porn."

Ladies, if your man rarely fucks you, but always masturbates to porn, then he's just not attracted to you. Don't get me wrong, porn is great in moderate amounts---I'm a huge fan of it. But a man is living in a fantasy when he forgoes actual pussy for his favorite Internet porn star video.

Men, think of it like this: Your favorite porn fantasies are the equivalent of some women's favorite romance novel fantasies. The absurdity of you becoming the exotic prince of her romantic desires is tantamount to your woman taking a rough anal pounding and finishing you off with a blowjob while enjoying every bit of it. It's not likely to happen...unless your woman is into that kind of thing already.

4.) "I have trust issues, because my ex..."

If you're an honest person, then why do you have to pay for something that someone else has done in the past? For instance, just because someones ex cheated on him/her, doesn't mean you will. People with trust issues will treat you as if you will either lie, cheat, or stab them in the back.

I'm not advocating that you have to trust someone with complete and utter devotion from day one. Trust is earned, not dictated. What I'm saying is that your partner shouldn't place unfair accusations and suspicions on you because someone fucked him/her over in the past.

5.) Random psychological issues

I'll start this with a personal example.

When I was 23, I was fucking this hot blonde on a regular basis. After only a week of knowing her, she told me that her uncle used to molest her. I was pissed---not at her uncle, but at her. Whether or not her story was true, she was seeking attention. Even if it were true, why would she give out this information to someone she has only known for a damn week!?

She became angry when I didn't give her the typical sympathetic response. What did she want me to do about it? Beat the shit out of her uncle? Pat her on the back and offer to take care of her? Basically, her sob story about her uncle was only the prelude to other dramatic experiences in her life. I told her that she needed to resolve her problems on her own, or seek professional help---not unload it all on me. I soon cut contact with her, because she would have dragged me into her mess of a life story.

The moral of this story is to avoid dating anyone with deep psychological issues. Unless you want to act as a free therapist 24/7, I recommend dating someone who is normal. Therefore, your relationship starts out without any problems and you don't have to fix anything. Trying to become a savior for a self-destructive person will only result in a destructive lifestyle for yourself because you'll be carrying the weight of their emotional burden.

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Well, there you have it. Those are the negative qualities to avoid in prospective partners. Follow this advice and you'll weed out a lot of potential drama in future relationships.